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Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele
Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele.
Welcome to 'Navigating the Chapters of Challenge,' a transformative podcast where we explore stories of adversity and triumph through the lens of unwavering faith. I'm your host Tele, and each episode is crafted to inspire, uplift, and guide you through the pages of adversity & life's most profound challenges from a Christian perspective. .
Join us as we delve into stories of resilience, redemption, and unwavering hope, seeking the divine guidance that empowers us to navigate life's most turbulent chapters with grace and courage. In this sacred space we will unlock profound insights that illuminate the path through trials and triumphs.
Whether you're facing personal struggles, seeking spiritual growth, or simply craving a source of inspiration, 'Navigating the Chapters of Challenge' is here to offer solace, encouragement, and a profound connection with your Christian faith. Subscribe now, and let's embark on this transformative journey together, finding strength and purpose in the midst of life's challenges
Please click on my brand new book that you can download on amazon kindle
https://amzn.to/3ALJa3e
Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele
Silent Struggles: Men's Unspoken Battles
Why do men suffer in silence? Newton Ohwerhi opens up about the unspoken battles men face in a world that demands strength but punishes vulnerability.
Ever slept outside a church for two weeks while pretending everything was fine? That's exactly what Newton did during his university years a powerful example of how men hide their struggles behind masks of strength. Throughout our conversation, Newton shares raw stories of financial hardship, societal pressure, and the dangerous consequences of keeping silent about life's challenges.
"There is a stage to which you wear that mask and it becomes very heavy for you," Newton reveals, "and you will even get to the extent you forget what your real face looks like." This poignant observation highlights why men's mental health deserves urgent attention. When Newton finally broke his silence after suffering to the point of hospitalization, he discovered something life-changing: vulnerability isn't weakness—it's often the path to finding the help we desperately need.
We dive deep into practical strategies for managing expectations, avoiding the comparison trap that steals joy, and finding purpose amidst pressure. Newton explains how he transformed his struggles into opportunities by recognizing his hidden talents and creating multiple platforms to help others navigate similar challenges.
Whether you're struggling with unrealistic expectations, feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities, or simply tired of pretending everything's okay, this episode offers hope and practical wisdom. Listen now and discover why speaking up might be the most courageous act a man can perform. Your story matters, and sharing it might just save your life.
You can contact Newton here : Youtube: Mr Review & also NaijaShadows NaijaShadows - YouTube
Facebook : @Ohwerhi Oghenemine Newton
Twitter: Ohwerhi O. Newton. (@iam__newton_) / X
Email Newton.201938@yahoo.com
Hello and welcome to Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele. Today I've got Newton with me and I'm really excited to have Newton. I met Newton only last week and I was so impressed by what I heard him say on a Facebook live that I was on with him, what I heard him say on a Facebook live that I was on with him. So I just thought I need to get Newton onto my podcast just to have a chat with him, because I really enjoyed our conversation on that Facebook chat. So I'm going to ask Newton to introduce himself, because I really don't know much about him. Like I said, I only met him last week, so I'm going to ask him to introduce himself. Tell us a little bit about himself, and then we'll go straight into today's topic and discussion. So, newton, over to you. Introduce yourself. Tell us a little bit about yourself, what you do, who you are, and then we'll take the topic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay, Thank you very much. My name is Newton Okwiri and I'm from Delta State Nigeria.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Currently I'm working in the hospitality industry. Okay, currently I'm working in the hospitality industry Okay. And, aside that, I'm a keen observer of the human journey, the untold and unspoken battles that people face and the quiet sacrifices that people make, as well as the stories that usually go untold.
Speaker 2:Okay, is that it? Tell us more. Tell us more. We want to know you. You work in the hospitality unit. What else do you do? Actually, I'm a writer.
Speaker 1:Okay, nice, I'm a writer and also a YouTuber. I write stories on my Facebook page. Stories that cover issues with mental health and then true life stories about happenings around Nigeria and in terms of marriage, relationship betrayal and so many of them. And then on my YouTube I do commentaries on issues, trending issues, and I also have another YouTube channel where I use pictures to tell stories.
Speaker 2:Oh, brilliant, you see, you almost didn't tell us all about that. That's so interesting. So today's topic is about challenges, the challenges that men face in life. You know there's a lot of silent men are silent about the issues they go through. They go through a lot of emotional issues and they don't talk about it. So we're going to be talking about emotional issues. Why are men silent about the issues they go through? We're going to be talking about relationships. We're going to be talking about things that men face in life generally. So I'm going to start off. I have questions. I've written a number of questions down that I'm going to ask, so from time to time I'm going to refer to my book and we'll see how they where the conversation takes us.
Speaker 2:So my first question to you is, as a man when was the first time you felt you had to hide your pain? What did that moment teach you about yourself?
Speaker 1:Okay, that's a very interesting question. When I heard of the topic for discussion today the silent struggle that meant this today, the silent struggle that men face, the pressure for purpose, the struggle for provision, the realities of fatherhood I said to myself this is not just a mere conversation.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It's something that most of us in society today we dare not talk about because, a lot of people see men as the pillars see men as people who are built to be strong. Yeah, yes, and. But I believe that behind those smiles, behind those oh yes, I'm fine behind those features, there are a lot of untold stories that men are not even allowed to tell yeah because they are made to be strong so to speak.
Speaker 1:And then there was a time in my life where I actually went through a particular pain that I was silent about, about around 2022,. I had a very serious financial issue, very, very serious financial issue, and at that point in my life I couldn't bring myself to ask anybody for help, because everybody was expecting that, okay, you have something you're doing, you're working, you should be myself to ask anybody for help, because everybody was expecting that, oh, okay, you have something you're doing, you're working, you should be able to cut up for yourself. And then at home it wasn't really that rosy. There was nobody I could fall back to at home and I just had to keep it to myself. I just had to swallow the pain and all of that. And then I remember, when I was about to enter into the Ayan institution, my parents were having some kind of issues, and that really affected me personally, because at that point in my life I was going into a new phase and I was going to meet people that I don't know, and I remember my mom telling me my name is already out for admission, I just have to go. I'm going to tell what.
Speaker 1:So at that point I realized that people expect you to do the next two because you are a man, because you're meant to be strong, I mean so. My mom told me she gave me the push I needed, she gave me the encouragement I needed and I went to school. I slept outside a church building for two weeks. I had no place to lay my head. But I wasn't complaining, I wasn't telling anybody about it, it was just a pain that I kept to myself. I even had to lie to my mom that I had somebody I'm staying with in school. Everything is going fine. But I was sleeping outside a church building two weeks until I finally met somebody who took me in and then we were together and all of that. At that moment I had to swallow my pain and wear a mask of strength. That's when people see me. They'll feel he's a strong man. He's a strong guy, he has things going on. But deep inside of me I'm going through untold pains like there's nobody I can actually talk to to understand, because everybody feels like a man. You get it and then at some point I realized that there is a stage to which you wear that mask and it becomes very heavy for you, like very, very heavy, and you will even get to the extent you forget what your real face looks like.
Speaker 1:So what I was able to surmount this whole thing is I was able to search within me and annex the ability. I had to make a way for myself. I had to look around my surroundings. What are those opportunities that I have? In the school community? We had a lot of students who come to school. They read. They don't understand. They read the textbooks. They don't know what is even written there.
Speaker 1:So I began writing handouts. I began organizing tutorials. People started coming. They got to know about me. When I'm in class, I bring up meaningful conversation, and when me, when I'm in class, I bring up meaningful conversation. And when the trans are talking, they're asking questions. I give meaningful contributions. And with that people got to know me and I was able to make things. I was able to make a living for myself out of writing handouts, organizing tutorials and welcoming people into my tutorials. They get to pay me something to teach them. I go for night quizzes and then I organized nights where I was making people get to meet me and with that I was able to find my fruit, because I was able to understand that I have something in me that I can actually use. I was facing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go on Hello.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hello, I'm with you.
Speaker 2:Okay, so that from what you've just said, that shows that you were resilient. You were able to bounce back.
Speaker 2:I was definitely yeah you were able to bounce back and use that experience to then make yourself more or less like a businessman in school. You created a business for yourself in school. Well, that's really good. But why is it that men are taught not to talk about their problems? Why Do you know why? Because I find this. I think this is the root of the issue that we have with men being so silent. Why are they told not to talk?
Speaker 1:Yes, I think men are actually told not to talk about their issues. Okay, how I feel it is that the society has made it look like or should I say has conditioned it like men are meant to be strong. When you're not doing anything you're not working people see you as you're failing. When you're complaining, when you're talking, people see you as oh you talk, you talk too much. Are you a woman? You should be able to handle these things so where did that come?
Speaker 1:from. It has been like that from time immemorial. It has been like that. Men has always been subjected. They've always been subjected to go through that. When you're going through something, you keep it to yourself because you're a man. I remember growing up one time my dad was going through a lot with his work because the company he was working for at that time they did a downsizing of staff. It was also affected. My dad did not have a job for like two months but my mom did not even know about it because he didn't want her to talk about it. I think most of the problem comes from us as men, because we feel that we are men and we are putting so much pressure on ourselves In social with that, when we are in trouble we find it difficult to talk because you are scared of what people will say.
Speaker 1:You are scared of the standard or the checklist that the society has set for you to be a man, which makes it composite that if you're going through any type of emotional pain, you keep it to yourself and deal with it. But if we actually come to talk about it, we'll get to find out that there are people who are willing to help. So I think men should learn how to speak up. They should forget about the standard that society has set Before. You are a man, you are first a human.
Speaker 1:A human being. So you should learn how to speak up so people will know where your pain is coming from and people will know the silent battles that you're actually facing. I don't think there are people who say men shouldn't speak up. I think we, as men, we have already conditioned our mind to see it as, oh, this is what society expects. So that's why a lot of people don't come to speak up. I like it when people are actually battling certain things in their life, when they're able to speak up, even if, at the end of the day, you don't get the help you want. Speaking up is kind of therapeutic because you feel relieved and it takes a lot of load out of your heart?
Speaker 2:Yes, it does so, but will you say that, in your estimation, more men suffer from mental health issues than women, or do you think that more women do? How do you think? What do you think that?
Speaker 1:yes, more women do. How do you think? What do you think? Yes, I, I think more men suffer from mental issues than women. Actually, recently, yesterday evening, I just wrote something on my page page, okay, I just wrote a story. I think I was listening this evening. It's about a story of a 38 year old man in a door state whose name is efosa and he's suffering from ocpd obsessive compulsive personality disorder okay now, why did this come about?
Speaker 1:it came about as a result of his obsession over providing for people. He has extended family who looks up to him, he has his parents to provide for, he has nieces he has to provide for and then, as a single man, there's no support from anywhere. But then again, for the past five years, he has not even changed clothes for himself. But he keeps on going ahead with silent sacrifices, making endless sacrifices for his family, just to make sure that they are okay and just to make sure that nobody is complaining just to make sure that they are okay and just to make sure that nobody is complaining, but putting himself at a disadvantaged position.
Speaker 1:But when you continue like that, you find yourself, you know, getting into another phase where it begins to affect your mentality. You become too obsessed about provision yes, forgetting about yourself, providing for people, making sure that everybody around you is okay, because that is what society expects from you, and because some of these things actually starts from the family, because that's how we are raised up. We are raised up in the family that, as a man, you should ensure that your sisters are okay. You should ensure that your mom and dad are okay. There are a lot of expectations, but if we do not know how to say no, sometimes you see that we get too obsessed about the issue of providing for family, providing for people and being a man, always being there when you're wanted yeah, but the truth is, when you constantly make yourself available to always provide for people and not doing anything for yourself, it gets to an extent where you have nothing left and of course, you know that you cannot pull from an integral. You cannot give what you don't have.
Speaker 2:They'll be borne out completely. You're borne out.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:So how do you balance? How would you advise men to balance this? Because there is that need to want to help people, or the desire to want to help people, but you also have to take care of yourself. So how, for instance, put yourself in that situation? How would you deal with that situation? How would you deal with that situation if you had all these different demands on you? How would you balance it? What would you say is the right way to balance?
Speaker 1:yes, it is very important that, as a man, while you have the need to provide for people, people are just looking out to you to provide for them. It is very important that you sit down and take a calculated risk of the benefit of every of your action, because if you do not do that, like I said earlier on, at the end of the day you will lose yourself. In trying to make sure that you provide for people, you will lose your peace and you will lose your joy. A man that does not have peace at home and peace in his heart actually has nothing left. Yeah, you get it too. Now, finding the balance is usually difficult okay because it's.
Speaker 1:It's just like what I said about the society. The society expects a lot, but for you to be able to have a balanced ground where you can still provide for people and still find your peace of mind, you should learn when to say no. You should learn when to speak about issues. You should learn when to tell people not. This time I have certain things, I'm trying to handle my personal issues, and all of that. It is not because you don't want to provide, but it's because there are other things that are more important at that time which is yourself, because you need to focus on yourself first before you have the ability to provide for people.
Speaker 1:if you are not mentally stable, if you are not physically fit, you will not be able to provide for people so you should learn when to say no, and say no respectfully to people in such a way that they don't get hurt.
Speaker 2:So that's just it do you have any practical example of that in that, of something that's happened like that in your life? Do you have an example you can give us?
Speaker 1:Yes, actually yes. Just last year I think, around December 2024, I had sent money home to my mom for Christmas, and usually I expect that every man should. So I've done my own part. And then I sent money to some of my siblings for the Christmas celebration and all of that.
Speaker 1:So a distant aunt of mine reached out to me and she said that she wants to go to because she sells, she trades, she deals on curry and starch, because I'm from the Delta area where we, you know, deal more on curry and starch and palm oil. So she said her business is actually self-producing at that time and it's Christmas period, so she needs some money too. So I had to. I just had to tell her that before now I used to support. So at this point in time I'm kind of in a very tight corner that I cannot really give so much. But because at this point I've sent so much money for Christmas, if she had asked or bid any amount, I would have known how to probably reduce my cost and accommodate one or two things so that I could probably send something to her and I explained to her.
Speaker 1:I don't know if she felt offended, but to my own understanding, I felt she understood what I said. So that's just what it entails Learning how and when to say no and doing it in a social way that people don't feel offended.
Speaker 2:People don't feel offended yeah, so we talked about silence, men being silent, and I just wanted to ask in your own personal life, has being silent about what you were going through cost you? I know you told us earlier on that you turned the situation into some kind of business and that was good, but has there been a situation in your life where being silent has cost you?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yeah, I said in in 2022. I had issues with paying my rent, yeah, and I found it very difficult because, like I said, people were like well, you're working. Even if they know that the work isn't bringing so much, they have the idea that you're working, so you should be able to provide those basic things for yourself. I couldn't talk to friends, I couldn't talk to family members, because I'm the type of person that I don't want you to like. I'm not telling you my story or telling you about something and at the end of the day, you use it against me or, with time, you start making reference to it.
Speaker 1:So when I thought of all of that, I'm like, oh, I just need to keep this to myself. That's a silent battle. I was fighting it. I was going through the pain, I couldn't pay my rent, but yet I was finding it difficult to talk about it. I was finding it difficult to meet family members for help it's not pride, but just so they don't. But I didn't know people were expecting me to actually come up to talk about it, until it got to the point where I began to suffer from high blood pressure and at some point I felt very sick in 2022 and I was admitted in the hospital.
Speaker 1:And when it got to that point, I saw that I could no longer keep silent about it. I began calling people to support me for hospital bills and all of that, and that was when I began to think you know what, if I had spoken up earlier on, if I had not kept silent about the issue, it wouldn't have landed me in the hospital and even to the extent that I had to start butting in for my health and all of that.
Speaker 1:I always tell people after that incident. I always tell people, no matter what it is, no matter the shame, learn to speak up. Talk to people about it. You never know where the help can come from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's such an important thing to say, but you mentioned the word shame. Should there even be shame associated with asking for people? Why do people feel a sense of shame in asking for help?
Speaker 1:Why. You know, a lot of people would feel bad when they are turned down Okay, and as a result of that, when they see you, they feel like, oh, I packed this person for help and I can't even face this person anymore because the person said no, okay, and probably because of the way the person responded when you asked for help or probably you've asked somebody for help in the past and the person's like, oh, I thought you had a job, I thought you were working, I thought they were paying you, how much are you? Receiving? A lot of unnecessary questions that would just make you feel like, oh, it was needless at the end of the day asking this person.
Speaker 1:So a lot of people, when they start thinking of such things, the shame creeps in. Okay, they'll be like, oh, after all, I'm working, it's true, okay, and then you see, people will be silent and that shame will begin to creep in because they don't want people questions of I thought you were working, I thought you had families that you can call, or I thought you had friends that you can call. You never can tell where these things will come from. And I say there are so many people who are prepared to talk when they are actually in need. You see that they fight it within the keep. This doesn't just have to do with men alone. Even women go through this particular issue of shame when it comes to asking for help.
Speaker 2:I hear you because you don't know what the person and again, some people talk, so you don't know if the person is going to go around talking about the fact that you came to ask them for help and stuff like that. So I think that's some of the reasons why I wanted to ask you a question about the weight of expectation. Again, like you said, we've talked about how your family expects you to take care of them and all of that. How do you manage the weight of expectation?
Speaker 1:That's a very good question. Now, when people have so much expectation of you, you should understand that that is a normal thing, especially as a man, it's a normal.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a normal thing especially as a man.
Speaker 1:It's a normal. Yes, it's a normal thing, it's a norm for men. That is the expectation the society has made it so.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So when people have expectation of people, you just need to understand that there are a lot of things that come to it. There are a lot of different kinds of expectations. There are bills to pay, there is your dream, expectations from your own self. You have dreams to chase, you have bills to pay, you have children to take care of, you have your parents to make proud, and then you also have to come out to not to look weak, because that is what the society expects from you as a man.
Speaker 2:You shouldn't be looking like when you have so much?
Speaker 1:expectation. You need to sit, not to look weak, because that is what the society expects from you. As a man, you should be looking like weak when you have so much expectation. You need to sit down, breathe, because expectation can make you breathe on that pressure. But you have to take your time. You have to categorize these expectations and handle them in a scale of preference. You cannot kill yourself.
Speaker 1:You cannot handle everything at once. You have to take it one after other. That is what I do from my own end. What I do, I put things in a scale of preference, the one that is most important and most pressing at that time, I attend to. The ones I can't attend to, I talk about it. If there's someone else who can attend to it, I just maybe push it to one of my siblings or just do something else, because I can only do the one that I can handle and I wouldn't want to put myself under so much pressure that would make me, you know, maybe fall sick in the long run.
Speaker 1:And then when I'm sick, it adds to the problem and there's now expectation from my health again. So I always try to put things in a scale of preference. I'm handling it as it comes Right, put it in a scale of preference and treat the most important ones first. So that's how I usually handle expectations.
Speaker 2:Expectations. But you see, we as human beings, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves because we expect we are. Sometimes I find that we compare ourselves with other people. So we're comparing, we've seeing the next person doing so well and we're thinking, oh my God, he's doing so well. What's happening to me? How do men handle such situations? Because, for instance, the next door neighbor's wife may be saying to your own wife ah, my husband just bought this big car and you can't afford to buy the same big car. How would you, as a man, deal with that? These are things, real life things that happen. So how would, how should a man handle that kind of situation? You?
Speaker 1:know comparison is a thief of joy. Yes, I don't. I usually don't compare myself with people or to people. Yeah, what I do is when I see people doing something that I have not done or have not been able to do, I celebrate with them. Good Now, as a man, one of the things I've learned to do is because of the kind of society I grew up. I grew up in a place called Sapele in Delta State. I see a lot of guys my age, the things they've done for themselves and honestly, I'm happy for them.
Speaker 2:But I would not want to do it the same way they did it, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, I like taking my time. I don't rush things, you do it. I always don't when people say, oh, can't you see your mate, see what that guy has done? So I stay away from such people. I don't make such people into my circle, because when you bring such people into your circle, that is bringing negativity into your circle, exactly Because you put yourself under unnecessary pressure and under unnecessary expectation. Now nobody's respecting anything from you.
Speaker 1:But because you are comparing yourself to your next level or to somebody who has done something that you've not been able to achieve, you see that you'll be putting more effort into doing things that are even unnecessary. At the end of the day, you may even find yourself doing something illegal just to meet up to that expectation or just to meet up to that comparison. Like I said, comparison is a thief of joy. It will make you sad, it will make you sick, it will make your health deteriorate. It can even push you into mental health issues. So the best thing for you to do is look at what that person has done, look at what you're doing and what you're not doing right and, like I said, search within you the hidden talents that you have that you can annex as an opportunity to make something for yourself. So recently I just started my YouTube page and started renting on Facebook.
Speaker 1:For a very long time I've been saying I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. I've been postponing it, and then I see people my mates, people doing social. The same thing I've been saying I want to do, but I've not been able to do it. So I said to myself it's time for me to start doing something YouTube is paying people right. If I do what these persons are doing, I cannot always do it better. I started. I started my education, digital and electronic broadcasting. Digital and electronic broadcasting. I majored in film, cinematography, public relations and advertising. These things that people are doing are things that I can actually do.
Speaker 2:Why not do it?
Speaker 1:Instead of comparing myself to them, because I realized that the more I keep comparing myself to them, the more it's hitting deep into my heart. So I began to say, okay, I have to do something. I created a YouTube page. One of my aunties actually called me. There was a day I said that was a call I was actually waiting for. She called and said Ogele Mine, why are you not doing this? Because that's my native name, ogele Mine. Why are you not doing this? You have the talent, you have what it takes. You studied these things, people that they're doing. I've seen you do things. You can do this. And immediately after that conversation, the very next day, I sat down, I opened my YouTube channel and I began writing stories on my Facebook and I believe people have not started noticing yet, but consistency would take me to that place I'm going to.
Speaker 1:Not just to sit down and compare myself to what people are doing.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I think I love what you've just said about consistency, because I think sometimes we find that we feel like you just start something and because you've seen the other person doing so, well, you don't know the journey that they have been through, you don't know how long it's taken them to get there, but you expect to want to get there immediately as well. But doing it consistently is what really helps, and I think that's a very good point to make In terms of finding your purpose. As a man, how do you go about finding your purpose? Because we all talk about purpose, but what exactly is one's purpose? And, as a man, how do you tackle that issue of purpose?
Speaker 1:I believe everybody was born with a purpose okay and you don't necessarily need to be educated before you find your purpose in life okay you may be created to be of helping hands to people.
Speaker 1:That's maybe that's just your calling. You may be created to do ministry. You may be created to be a service provider. You may be created for something else. But as you grow as a man from your teenagehood, you need to identify those things you like doing that gives you joy and fulfillment. That is our divine purpose those things you find joy in doing and it makes you feel fulfilled. There is purpose in it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, being there for people, advising people, giving my own quota to issues that I think are affecting society, actually makes me happy. After doing that, I feel well, I've actually achieved something In the course of my life. I've actually done things that is in that line talking to people, giving advices, giving my views on topical issues and, like I said, that was even one of the inspiration behind my write-up on facebook and my youtube channels. So I actually I actually discovered my purpose is to talk about issues, to advise people, to bring issues to the light, to make people understand that when they are going through issues, they are setting paths that they should follow. They're setting ways that these things can be handled. You understand. So by knowing those things you find joy and female in doing, you'll be able to find your purpose as a man okay, okay, all right, we're going to switch it up a bit.
Speaker 2:We're going to go into relationships, men and relationships, and especially fatherhood. What do you think? What should a father be to a child? What? Who is a father to a child? Let me ask that question that way what's the role of a father in the life of a child?
Speaker 1:The father is not just a title. A lot of men feel being a father is just about the title. We call it a father. But there is more to being A father is a provider. A father is a provider. A father is a counselor. A father is the one that brings you back to track when you're going the wrong way. A father is one that shows compassion. A father is one that is always present. So you don't need to be biologically related to somebody before you become a father. You can become a father figure even without being blood related. You can build a relationship with a child by just showing them what to do and how to do it.
Speaker 1:So being a father comes with a lot of requirements, and it comes with it. I was having this discussion a friend of mine that you know. When you become a father, you have expectations from two families your extended family, which consists of your mom, your dad and your siblings, and then your immediate family, your new family, which consists of your wife and your kids. And then a lot of fathers usually find it very difficult to balance their priorities between the family you belong to and the family that you come from. So being a father to your immediate family doesn't stop you from still playing the father role in your extended family as a family that you come from. So being a father to your immediate family doesn't stop you from still playing the father role in your extended family as a family that you come from.
Speaker 1:So, as a father, there are a lot of expectations, just like there are a lot of expectations for men in this society. So being a father is only about being present. Being a father is only about being there. You may be a father that is not so financially buoyant, but that presence, that advice, that counseling helps you to build good relationships with not just your kids but also your wife. A man is not just a father to his kids, but also his wife.
Speaker 2:So he's a father to his wife. In what way?
Speaker 1:When you take a woman's hand in marriage and you bring her to your womb, she automatically becomes your responsibility. Men have, like I said, men have unconditional disassociation with that. They are meant to be wiser than the women.
Speaker 2:Meant to be. I like the way you put it meant to be.
Speaker 1:That is what the society respects. Okay, they are meant to be wiser than women. So when you marry a woman into your house and your wife is doing something wrong with you, you don't need a road at that point to correct her because she's not a child.
Speaker 2:Good, Okay, so you were talking about being a father to your wife. Can you explain that please?
Speaker 1:Yes, being a father to your wife. Can you explain that please? Yes, being a father to your wife, because when your wife's father or your wife's family hands your wife over to you in marriage, they expect you to guide her, they expect you to provide for her. Okay, they expect you to be a counselor in her life. Yeah, like I said earlier, they expect you to be the wife. That one Okay, okay, okay, but you said you will call her like you, will speak you will talk to your child, but how do you?
Speaker 2:will call her like you will speak. You will talk to your child, but how do you speak to her when you're trying to advise her? Because sometimes we find that men can be a bit overbearing when they want to, maybe if there's an issue with their wives. So how should a man be speaking to his wife in this kind of scenario?
Speaker 1:It depends on the situation, because sometimes there are also times when women can be overbearing. Yeah, I've seen my mom and dad go back and forth for certain issues, you know. I know that there are some times where women can actually be very overbearing. But the most important thing is you put love first. Love is all that matters. Yes, love and understanding. Yes. When the two couples are getting hurt at the same time hurt, very hurt at the same time you find that there will be no head's way to sorting out the issue or attend, yeah. But when one is cold enough to understand why the other is hurt and you know, going head over heels concerning a particular issue and all of that, there will be a ground where, if you're talking with a very soft tone, showing this person that I'm not saying this because I want to hurt you, I'm not saying this because I want to make you tick, but I'm saying this because I love you and I'm saying this because I want us to understand each other. One word actually is on the corporate. Okay.
Speaker 2:You use the word I love you. How many Africans may use that word regularly?
Speaker 1:In Africa. In Africa, I would say it's rare. I haven't seen it in real life, but these days, with the new generation of you know couples that are coming up, I think things are actually changing. Okay, because people are not. This podcast is an eye opener. People listen to things like beef, people listen to therapy section between couples, and then they learn things from there. So those things have been able to make couples understand that there are ways in which they can actually build a successful marriage that is devoid of violence. That's true.
Speaker 2:Do you think this is kind of varying off slightly from conversation, but do you think that there is any room for abuse in a marriage from either party? This kind of is a bit away from our topic, but what's your view on that?
Speaker 1:Abuse should never be tolerated. A lot of people actually lose their life, lose their lives as a result of abuses in marriage. You know, sometimes abuse doesn't necessarily need to, doesn't necessarily need to be physical. There are times where it is emotional. Yeah, by the words we say, our words can go a very long way to hurt people. Yeah, when you face conspired abuse in your marriage, by the words we say, our words can go a very long way to hurt people. Yeah, when you face conspiring abuse in your marriage and you've done everything within your power or in your relationship and you've done everything within your power to face it, to talk about it, to ensure that you do something about it and your partner is not saying reasons with you, I think it's better you walk away alive than to be brought out of such relationship or such marriage in a body bag. Exactly I hear you.
Speaker 1:So abuse should never be tolerated.
Speaker 2:Should never be tolerated.
Speaker 1:I'm not in support of abuses.
Speaker 2:Okay, thank you. Sorry, we went just a bit off the question what we were talking about, but it just. It just came in my mind and I thought I'm just going to have to ask this question. So what's one lesson you wish younger men could learn earlier to save them from future heartache?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think younger men, one of the things they should learn is that vulnerability is not weakness. Okay, we should learn how to talk, how to communicate, how to speak up let us forget about the standard that society has set for us that we should always learn to be men and not to appear weak. It is in trying not to appear weak and learning how to be a man that we hold so much inside of us and we don't let it out, and it pushes us to that realm where it may even get worse and graduate into something that begins to affect our mental health. So speaking about issues as they're happening or as they affect you would really go a long way. Younger men should learn how to speak up, talk to people you trust, talk to people you think you can talk to.
Speaker 1:It could be your church, it could be among your friends, it could be maybe a social gathering. Maybe you can even come out here or look for podcasts like this. That gives you opportunity to talk about life challenges and how to navigate them. These are good opportunities for your generation to actually not keep things inside of them to the extent that it begins to affect them in time. Do you think that? And I also Go on, sorry, go on Okay. Do you think that? Go on sorry, go on Okay. And I also would advise the younger generation to learn how to look within and next the abilities that they have.
Speaker 2:I wanted to ask about counselling because a lot of men generally don't like to go for counselling, especially professional counselling, don't like to go for counselling, especially professional counselling. Why do you think that's the case and how can we get away from this apathy towards professional counselling? I understand talking to your friends, talking to your pastors and what about, but what about professional counselling?
Speaker 1:Why is it that lots of people don't like to? And what can we do? Yes, people feel after going for professional coun, professional counseling, it really doesn't do it. Especially in places like this africa, nigeria people don't really believe that, they don't believe in professional counseling at all, they're just believing some little fights through it it's going to get better. But the more you keep doing that, the more it keeps getting worse. And then also in places like africa and in places like nigeria.
Speaker 1:I think that it's not like in the western world where people easily have access to counseling it's limited here, okay yes okay, so I think also, one way that people can be encouraged to go for professional counseling is people who are into these things like professional counselling can do campaigns on it, talk about it, share flyers on it. Okay, build stories, build narratives around it that people can easily relate with. I know that, oh, this story looks like something I'm going through. I think I need to talk to this person about it. So bringing it enlightening people about the importance of professional counselling is very, very important. Most people don't have that in life.
Speaker 2:I think that's, for somebody who's in that social space now, maybe something you could take upon and maybe look into doing that, because I think that is something that is necessary. I think it's really necessary for people to go for counselling if there is a need for it. I mean, it's something that's necessary. So I was going to ask you if you could speak to the boy you once were. What words of hope or truth would you speak to that boy, the young you? Look back a few years and speak to the young you. What would you say?
Speaker 1:I would just tell my younger self, bokulo, it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be an easy ride especially in the Nigerian community, bokulo. You're going to face a lot of hurdles, challenges, but be focused, be steadfast, be consistent in doing things without cost to take you somewhere.
Speaker 2:To take you somewhere. So when you say buckle up, what does that mean In practical terms? When you say buckle, up.
Speaker 1:What does that mean? Get yourself prepared for the times you will lose the times you will win the times. You will fail the times you will succeed. Okay, so, in times when you lose the times, you will win the times you will fail.
Speaker 2:The times you will succeed. Okay, so, in times when you lose, what do you do?
Speaker 1:I don't give up. Don't give up In times when I lose. I see moving as a challenge to do better. Okay, that's the kind of person I am, okay.
Speaker 2:And in times when you win, and I learned that from my mom. Oh, that's nice. How did you learn that from your mom?
Speaker 1:My mom is one of the strongest women I've ever met.
Speaker 2:Okay, she's strong, she's a strong woman.
Speaker 1:If I have my way, I would just ask God to prepare a woman like my mother for me, so that I can get married.
Speaker 2:You're already saying this, so God has heard From your mouth to God's ears. He has heard you so. And when you win, how do you handle wins?
Speaker 1:because sometimes I do not let my wins get into my. I celebrate my wins in the way I can, and then I also use it as a point of reference to motivate people.
Speaker 2:Not pride, but just something to motivate to motivate people wow, we fast come to the end of the show. I'm really grateful to you for your time, for really coming on here to just share, you know, with us your wisdom, you know, and it's been really, really interesting. Before we end the show, I'd like to end the show on a note of hope. So what would you final words of hope for listeners out there? What final words of hope would you want to give?
Speaker 1:I want to tell every listener out there never to keep up on their dreams. Okay, when you're going through any sort of challenge in life, no matter what it is, always speak up, talk to people about it. You never know where help can come.
Speaker 2:You never know where help can come from. Thank you so much, newton, for coming on and navigating the chapters of challenge. You mentioned your podcast. No, not podcast, I do the podcast. You mentioned your YouTube channel and Facebook. Can you tell us your YouTube channel name and your Facebook and how people can contact you if they want to contact you?
Speaker 1:Yes, my YouTube channel is MrReview on YouTube.
Speaker 2:Okay, mrreview is.
Speaker 1:Mr Reveal on YouTube. Okay, mr Reveal, yes, I talk about issues, make commentaries on issues, put some shots from time to time. And then I also have another YouTube channel, niger Shadows. Okay, youtube channel, where I use pictures to tell real-life stories. Like recently, there was a story something that happened in Anambra State where a nurse was killed by a supposed client who lured him to his house to treat his ill mother. Getting there, she found out there was no sick patient. She was only lured for monetary purposes. She was killed and her organs were burst.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, so I?
Speaker 1:used pictures to tell that story, to enable people to know what is actually happening in the Nigerian society.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And to call out such evils. Okay, so just to, and then on my Facebook societies Okay, and to call out such evils Okay.
Speaker 2:So just to, and then on my Facebook page yeah.
Speaker 1:On my Facebook page I write about mental health issues. I do stories about mental health issues. Okay, and then you can follow me on Facebook at Okwere Ogenemine Just type Okwere Ogenemine and you can search by. Okay, facebook, search by and you can search me. And if you want to contact me, you can also contact me on my email at newteam.201938ayahucom. Okay.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to put all that information in the show notes so that if anybody wants to contact you, they can contact you there. And please, people go out there, like his, subscribe to his YouTube channel and follow him on his YouTube channel and follow him on Facebook as well too, because there's a lot of wisdom in this young man's mouth. I've learned quite a lot from him in just a short time that I've got to know him, so really grateful for your time. Thank you so much. Hopefully we'll have you back on the show again sometime to talk about something else. Probably we'll talk about a topic we did on the Facebook the other day Paternity. What did you call it? Fraud. We might talk about that again sometime.
Speaker 1:I would also like to talk about balancing the priorities in between the family you belong to and the family that you come from. It's really going to be a good topic for people to learn how to balance the priorities when to say no to their extended family and how to prioritize the nuclear family.
Speaker 2:Okay, that would be a good topic, so we'll get you back again to come and have that conversation with us sometime soon, no problem, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for joining me today on navigating the chapters of challenge. Your time means the world to me and I hope today's episode inspired and encouraged you. If you enjoyed this episode, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with your friends, family or anyone who could use a little hope and encouragement. You can find our podcast on Spotify, buzzsprout, apple Podcasts, youtube and wherever you love listening to podcasts.
Speaker 2:Want to support the show? It's easy Just click the support button on Buzzsprout. And any contribution, big or small, helps us keep bringing you stories and insights that matter. And don't forget to check out our latest book, navigating the Chapters of Challenge from Trials to Triumph, available now on Amazon. It's packed with inspiration and practical wisdom to help you navigate life's storms. We'd also love to hear from you. It's packed with inspiration and practical wisdom to help you navigate life's storms. We'd also love to hear from you If you have a story to share, an idea or just want to say hi. Feel free to reach out. Your voice matters and who knows, your story might just inspire our next episode. Thanks again for listening. Stay strong, stay inspired and I'll see you on the next episode.