Living Whole in a Broken World

What happens when the very parts of yourself you've tried hardest to hide become the foundation of your healing journey? In this deeply moving conversation, author and ministry leader Seun Sholanke shares the raw, transformative story behind her book "Living in Wholeness."

Seun reveals how a triggering moment during her social work studies unexpectedly unearthed childhood trauma she'd buried for years. Rather than staying in that broken place, she describes the pivotal encounter that reconnected her with God's tangible presence and started her healing journey. With disarming honesty, she explains how God challenged her to share her story publicly, a step that not only furthered her own healing but created space for countless others to begin processing their pain.

Throughout our discussion, Sheun unpacks the practical realities of living in wholeness. She addresses why we hide our brokenness, how unresolved trauma manifests in our daily lives, and the inside-out approach God takes to genuine healing. With wisdom born from experience, she offers insights into breaking generational patterns of brokenness, especially for parents seeking to raise whole, confident children. Her perspective on identity crisis rooted in biblical examples from Gideon to Jesus himself provides a refreshing counterpoint to our culture's endless striving for perfection.

The conversation culminates in a powerful reminder that our most painful experiences, when surrendered to God, become our most effective ministry tools. As Sheun puts it, "With the same comfort you've been comforted, you can comfort other people." If you're struggling with your own brokenness or trying to support someone who is, this episode offers both practical wisdom and the gentle assurance that healing is possible not despite your wounds, but often because of them.

What parts of your story might God be waiting to transform from sources of shame into channels of healing for others? Listen now and discover how living in wholeness isn't about achieving perfection, but embracing a journey of becoming all God created you to be.

You can get Seun's Book Living in wholeness on Amazon here-https://amzn.to/4o3hsTG

Contact Seun

Instagram@ Solankeseun

www.pottersdaughtersministries.com

www.seunsolanke.com

Transcript

Welcome and Introduction

Tele 0:05

Thank you for watching.

Speaker 2 0:32

Hello and welcome to Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele. Today I've got my friend Seun Solanké in the house, and I'm really, really excited to have Seun in the house. Seun is a woman of God, she's an author. She is the author of the book Living in Wholeness. She's also the convener of Potter's Daughters Ministries as well, and she wears many hats. So I'm going to let her tell you about herself in a second. But, yeah, I'm really happy to have Seun here today and we're going to have a really really interesting time. So, Seun, please say hello to everybody and introduce yourself briefly.

Speaker 3 1:06

All right, thank you, Tele. So my name is Seun Solanke and you've kind of said it all. Yes, I wrote the book Living in Wholeness, which was in 2010. I am a mother, I'm a wife, I work with universities, so I'm into business. I mean I do so many things and yes, and I'm living the life that God has given me.

Speaker 2 1:35

Thank you so much. There's something I wanted to say quickly before we get straight into the topic, just to show you the kind of person that we have on the show today. I helped Seun with her first book when I was doing self-publishing many years ago, and she was the very first person whose book I sent to the printers. But rookie mistake, I printed her book all done, everything was perfect, except for the fact that there were no page numbers and I was so embarrassed, I felt so bad. But she made me feel so, um, what's the word, she just calmed me about. She said okay, it's a mistake done, but don't worry about it. She invited me to her book launching. She made me talk at the book launching. I was like, oh wow, there's only a few people that will not make you feel bad for making a mistake and you can imagine such a public mistake for that matter and she made me so. It just shows you the kind of person that she is, a very lovely person, very giving person, and I wanted to publicly say thank you.

Speaker 2 2:34

Thank you, because even there are tears in my eyes right now as I'm speaking because what would it have been if she had reacted differently, I think it would have made me feel really, really bad, but she didn't, and she made me feel like, oh, no worries, we move, we move, we keep going, so, we keep going. So, yes, yes, yes. So back to today's topic. Today's topic is living in wholeness, really based on the book that you wrote. So my first question is when we talk about living in wholeness, what does that mean to you in day-to-day living, day-to-day life?

Speaker 3 3:11

I think when you hear the word living in wholeness, you know. Sometimes it's just like you know when you talk about the Proverbs 31 woman and everyone is always like oh, that's not me. I can't describe myself as that and I don't think that God is looking for that perfect, complete person. So it's a daily walk.

Tele 3:32

Yeah.

Speaker 3 3:32

And I remember that. You know, when God inspired me to write this book, I wasn't even in the best of places myself, but it was a journey into my healing, it was a journey of you know, some maintenance. I'm like God, but I can't do this and that, and which is what a lot of us talk about, you're thinking oh, I'm not that perfect person like gideon said. You know, I'm the least in my clan so that's the way we see ourselves.

Speaker 3 4:00

But being whole is a state of being. It's a a daily walk with God. God chipping that away, God building you. Yes, human beings are always there to judge you. They always have something to say about what you're not getting right.

Speaker 3 4:15

It's about you staying focused and, depending on your relationship with the holy spirit, helping you on a daily basis, knowing that you're walking towards wholeness. You know your spirit, man, your soul, your body all being together and um, and it kind of feels that you know, God takes one aspect of you, starts to work on it and then, when you get to that place where you feel that, yes, you know, I've pruned you enough, then it goes to another place and you're thinking, good, but I've only just come out of that one. So, for instance, the physical aspect of it. You know there was a time that I wasn't really looking after myself as much and and you know there was a day that the Holy Spirit said to me that you need to start to take this seriously. So you know you're not eating right, you're not looking after your physical body, but how can God use you if your physical body is totally broken? So your physical body is broken. Your soul is broken and your spirit man doesn't even know God.

Speaker 3 5:17

But it's having that understanding that our relationship with God is key in being whole. So I didn't even come up with that topic, it was just God that just dropped it and I started to write, I started to put things together, I started to see the three aspects of man being in tune with what God wants us to be. So, yes, I would describe living in wholeness as a daily walk into our relationship with God, building our spirit, soul, body together.

Speaker 2 5:49

Okay. So you said there was a time in your life where you didn't feel like you could even do what God was telling you to do write this book about living in wholeness. So can you tell us about what led you to get into a point where you thought, okay, I now need to start living in wholeness. Is there like a backstory to this issue of living in wholeness? If you're ready to share or willing to share a story, what led to this?

Speaker 3 6:16

I've always been, from a very young age I've always been very passionate about the heart, the state of the heart, and I remember, I can't remember exactly, it must have been in my teens. I was listening to. You know, this teaching just popped up on the TV and they were talking about I think they were talking about the heart or something and you know, being broken and things like that, and that really caught my attention because I felt like there was always something inside of me that wasn't fully right. You know, there's hurt, there's pain, there's the feeling of insecurity, not knowing who you are. So, as a young girl, you carry all these things. You, don't really understand what it was and into my adulthood.

Speaker 3 7:09

You know, you still, I just always knew that there was something not there. But my relationship with God, you know, I do have a relationship with God on one hand, and I love God, I love to worship, I love to serve, but I know that there's still aspect of me that there is something that I can't really figure out. So, ok, I'm just going to go into the story, I will give you a background. So I remember that, you know, after I had my second child, I was studying and we were in class that particular day and they were talking about sexual abuse. This was a topic that nobody talks about nobody wants to share their story.

Speaker 3 8:00

Nobody wants to talk about their brokenness or what has hurt them, and we all know that. You know our childhood. What we go through as a child has a lot of impact on our adulthood it does .

Speaker 3 8:16

I did social work in. In the field of social work, we talk about psychodynamics. Your childhood, your life experiences shape who you are, your behavior and all those things, and so when they started that topic, it was like I had a flashback. It was as if something hit me really hard and, like you open a book of your life there and I just broke down. I just couldn't control myself. So I got up, went into the and I just broke down. I just couldn't control myself.

Speaker 3 8:45

So I got up, went into the toilet and just started crying. But at that time I was at the peak of. You know, I know God, you know me and God we are we're pallies that kind of a.

Speaker 2 8:58

Thing.

Speaker 3 8:59

Because before that time I remember God asking me. You know, can you trust me? And I thought that was a hard question. You know, why would God be asking me if I can you trust me? And I thought that was a hard question. Of course I trust you. You know how you think that. You know good things like that until something hits you yeah so I got into the toilet and I was like where did this come from?

Tele 9:16

where did?

Speaker 3 9:16

all this. Because it was a safe, I buried it. It never happened. I didn't even remember that happened to me as a child. So I was so upset, I was really upset with God and I said God, I don't want to have anything to do with you. And I could hear him clearly saying to me that can the clay say to the potter I have no need. So I felt why this answer? So it means like I'm stopped, you know.

Speaker 2 9:43

I don't even know what to do so.

Discovering Brokenness Through Crisis

Speaker 3 9:45

From that point onward, I I struggled, I struggled emotionally, I struggled to relate, I was carrying a lot of hurt and pain. And you know, you meet people and you know, maybe when you talk to people about what you're dealing with and they're like, you know, just go and pray. You know, just read your bible but it's not that I don't read the bible? I don't know but it wasn't applicable to me because I just could not connect.

Speaker 3 10:11

So I know what you're telling me, but the practicality of it I could not put together, and so that carried on for a while, um, until one day where I where a friend of mine, a pastor friend of mine invited me to a house at Yoke. So she, there's a pastor, her pastor was around and so she invited me to come to the house. So we were there. You know, we're talking and all that, and when I was leaving, I would mention the pastor's name was Reverend Akayode Jisheson. So when I was leaving my pastor friend's house, pastor Elizabeth Adegbichi, she was like okay, you know, let my pastor pray with you, you're leaving, and all that. So I was just like, and at that point in time, you know, I don't even want anybody to pray for me or say anything, because you were still angry with God.

Speaker 3 11:05

I not angry with god, but it was. It felt like it was the same old same. It's not thin, I can, I can, I can read through you okay so if you're talking to me, I can tell whether you have compassion okay. Well, you're just saying it okay to me, and that's where we get it wrong a lot of times, because we feel that we can. Just when people come to us with our issues, we just want to. We have a template to say okay, just do abc but that's not really what and that's god doesn't work like that.

Speaker 3 11:34

Jesus said I would only do what my father does. If you don't know the heart of the father, you cannot minister to someone else so if you're not listening to, okay, holy spirit. What do I say to this?

Speaker 3 11:45

yeah you can't meet them at the point of their need and jesus gave us examples and examples, and examples of that, and the moment this man opened his mouth and started to pray and then started to prophesy, I just it felt as if, yes, that was it, that was a connect, because he was saying things. You know, when that woman, by the well, said come and see this man who told me?

Speaker 3 12:15

things, who told me things about my past. That was the example, that was the my experience on that day, that was my experience on that day. For the first time, I felt God. I felt that, yes, this is what I've been looking for, a lot of people I've been talking to, but this is what has been missing, because there was a connect about God actually knows what I'm going through. Yes, finally, finally. So he just started to prophesy. I was like yes, god, I'm back, and so from that, moment onward.

Speaker 3 12:55

I then started to seek god in a different way, um to the point that there was an example of. There was a day I was in my room and I was praying and I felt the tangible presence of God for the first time in my life. It was like love came into the room on touch, very raw and real, and I could understand what love meant from that point onward, because I, god, actually showed me so a lot of things that we learn in life. God would use people he will show you himself, and so that from that point, my healing journey started. My healing journey I can talk about this over and over.

Tele 13:37

Yeah, go on.

Speaker 3 13:39

My healing journey started from that point onward and, you know, because I then had to connect with this. So they had a women's conference in Chicago that year I think it was in 2009. And I thought, you know, I wanted to go.

Speaker 3 13:57

I mean, I don't know anybody there. It was my first time traveling for a ministry or anything. So I flew to Chicago excited Before we landed. As soon as we we're about to land, god said to me you're going to share your story? Oh, no way. So it was like, oh, this is a setup. I said, oh God, I don't know I didn't plan to do this I didn't plan to do.

Speaker 3 14:23

Nobody even knows me, apart from this one man that I met. I don't even know him, and so god said, you're going to share your story, and I was like, okay, when I get there I would know so.

Speaker 3 14:33

I went for the meeting. It was a women's conference and I think that was the first time they're having the conference as well. So I went for the meeting and then I saw him and I said, sir, this is what God has said to me. And he said okay, that's what God has said to you. We will give you a platform. And the fear that gripped me because I'm thinking nobody knows my story. I don't want anybody to know what had happened to me. Why do I need to share?

Tele 15:00

my story.

Speaker 3 15:02

So and I, I remember, in my room that night I was turning and tossing, thinking god, why this and um? This scripture came to mind where God said God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of love of power and of a sound mind.

Speaker 3 15:20

And God said to me fear is not from me. Where do you get fear from? I said from the devil. He said you're not a child of the devil. I said I'm your child. So if I've not given you the fear, then it's not from me. And so I summon boldness to say okay, I'm not going to be afraid. One thing that I know that God has always protected, even in my brokenness, was my heart, the state of my heart. I know that every time there's always something that he tries to protect. When something is happening or when there's been an issue, god will show me before it happens. He always is like. He's like putting a boundary to protect this heart. So they gave me the platform and myself and another lady. We shared our story and I learned a lot from that point, because I used to be one of those people that think get on with it you know when I meet people I'm thinking, oh, but you know, if you say you have an issue, I'll say, yeah, let's pray about because,

Tele 16:21

I believe that the moment you pray about it, that's it.

Speaker 3 16:24

You know what? How can you be saying that you're having issues? How can you? I didn't understand that people actually do have issues until god, you know, brought my own issues out.

Speaker 3 16:38

And I can say to you that, seeing how people then started to talk about what happened to me a lot of people that didn't know how to process what they've been through, because what we go through, whether we like it or not, would have an impact we just don't know how we find people who are very angry and constantly doing all sorts of things and you don't know why people judge them and blame them. It's because of what has gone on, and they don't know how to process it and the healing that took place in that day through ministration.

Speaker 3 17:11

You know the minister to people and I felt that what we go through, yes, the devil might have allowed, or I mean, yes, it's not that God doesn't know about it, but God did not. It's not God that put those things on us, but when we go through we shouldn't think that God doesn't have a plan for us, because in your brokenness he will use that brokenness to minister to another person. When you're healed, he said, with the same comfort that you've been comforted, you can comfort other people. So I believe that sharing that story one, I felt like braided because from that point on, what it didn't there was, there was no shame in it for me any longer it wasn't like I put myself in the in the position.

The Journey to Healing Begins

Speaker 3 18:00

I was young and and the healing process also started for me, realizing that when you go through things, god will use your story to bring healing to other people, because people then started to talk about their experiences and I was so taken aback thinking, wow, so this is how, what we go through, god can glorify himself. When the devil thought that he had killed Jesus.

Speaker 2 18:25

That was it.

Speaker 3 18:27

But God glorified himself Because when Jesus rose from the dead. We all became liberated, and so that's the story of life. And if we can always hold on to the fact that when we go through, he said if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is weak because God is going to build something, Does it mean that we like it when we go through those Of course not, and so when I came back to the UK, the same thing.

Speaker 3 18:53

As soon as I landed. He said you're going to write a book. Okay, so that's the genesis of the book. That's how this book came about, and yeah, Such an interesting story.

Speaker 2 19:08

What just came to my mind is the fact that a lot of people hide what they've gone through. Why do you think that's the case? Why do you think people prefer to just live a fragmented life instead of live in wholeness when something has happened to them?

Speaker 3 19:25

it's still brokenness. You know, when you're broken you don't want. I mean, for a long time I presented myself, presented myself to God as this packaged girl, just walk on the. You know, don't go deep.

Speaker 2 19:39

Just on the surface, just deal with the surface of it.

Speaker 3 19:42

And God is saying I can't use you that way. I want to go deep. I want to unfold. I want to you know remove all those things that is covering the real you and that process is painful.

Speaker 2 19:53

Very painful, because you become vulnerable you become.

Speaker 3 19:57

You're in that state where nobody can help you. You are raw, so nobody wants to show their rawness to anybody. Nobody wants anybody to touch that part of them, and also because they don't even know how to process. Maybe they don't have the right people to help them or they don't understand what they're going through, so they don't even know how to process. Maybe they don't have the right people to help them or they don't understand what they're going through, so they don't want to deal with it.

Speaker 3 20:18

So people would rather just put a block and say deal with this person. But we know that there's something behind it and until you deal with that aspect you can't move on. Nobody in any effect to us in everyday life in your work.

Speaker 3 20:35

Some people you, you know. One of the examples I gave in my book is that you know people present. They can't hold a job down, they're constantly looking for validation somewhere. You can't hold relationship down, you're constantly looking for affirmation of somebody else because and so it affects us in different ways, different ways it presents itself in different ways. So it's until they understand that I have to allow my brokenness not to hold me down, which 90% of people don't want to.

Speaker 3 21:12

Nobody wants to be vulnerable and, yeah, it takes a lot to want to be vulnerable, but you have to be vulnerable because if you look at the Bible, if you look at the story of the Bible, the Bible is an interesting character the brokenness, the history, even Jesus Christ. When you look the history, even Jesus Christ, when you look at the history, you know from the high Lord to so all those things matter to God because God is saying that you've come from a broken place.

Speaker 2 21:45

But I want to take you to a better place.

Speaker 3 21:47

But we don't always want to allow him to deal with our mess, so that's why people don't come out of it.

Speaker 2 21:55

So if somebody wanted to allow God to deal with the brokenness and with the mess, what practical ways can this be done? What are the practical ways this can be done?

Speaker 3 22:07

It doesn't mean that what you've gone through will forever be wiped away.

Speaker 3 22:13

As in it's not something, but you can deal with it from a place of strength so you have the inner strength to deal with the things that you've been so, for example, having the right people around you. I always say that having good, godly people around you makes a lot of difference. And people can have counseling as well. You know because and culturally as well, people don't, um, don't like counseling. Yes, and also because of the way people tell you get on with it, because we're used to that yes, get on with it.

Tele 22:52

Why are you?

Speaker 3 22:52

crying. So people are used to being told off and so, and also because of the way people carry your story around, um they, you know, they judge you, they laugh at you um, they, they, everybody wants to.

Speaker 3 23:08

It's like we live in a world where people want to pretend we pretend to each other yeah you know we, you know things are not working, but people just say you know what, get on with it. I mean, you've heard stories of children who have been abused. Their parents and get on with it. You know why did you put yourself in that position in the first instance? So people don't want to be judged and that's because you don't have the right people around you. There's no shame. There's nothing that would happen under the sun. That's new.

Speaker 3 23:35

Yeah, under the sun we've seen so many things that we saw, but because of the societal status, because we we want people to see us as this all perfect girl who has no issues. People don't want to talk about this, but they're suffering in silence and they will continue to suffer because they've not dealt with it and it will continue to affect their day-to-day life. It affects the way you raise your children and if you were broken and you're trying to raise a child because you have not learned from your brokenness, of course it becomes a generational thing.

Speaker 2 24:14

That's true.

Speaker 3 24:14

Patterns need to pick that up from you. It becomes a generational thing. That's true. Patterns need to be broken at one point or the other because we all go through. Everybody has something. Some people it's not even what has happened to me Some people it's the criticism that they've grown up with People are constantly pulling them down, putting them down Lack of confidence.

Speaker 3 24:31

All these things matter and you need to be able to talk about it. But having the right channel to talk about, talk about it is very key. My when I was, like I said, when I was going through mine, I felt you, you people are not hearing me, so you think that you're talking to someone, but you know that they can't hear you. They're just hearing they're listening.

Speaker 2 24:54

They're just listening, but not actively hearing what you're saying.

Speaker 3 24:57

People get put off when they're talking to you and they feel that you're not listening. You can read through, you know, when somebody genuinely can see your heart, because when you carry God and you're speaking to someone, it's that God that is speaking through you not the you yourself.

Speaker 3 25:18

And if you yourself are the one speaking, you can't change anybody. So the world we live in, the society, has taught us to hide our shame, and God can't help us that way. If we don't go to him there, you have to come to that. Even if you don't go to people, you have to go to God and say God, this is what I'm dealing with help me and well.

Speaker 2 25:47

I wanted to read something from your. This is the new book, this is the old one. I wanted to read something from the book that you wrote. There is, yeah, something I wanted us to talk about. You titled it Identity Crisis, because I think this is something that we need to talk about.

Speaker 2 26:07

A lot of people out there, especially young people, have a problem with their identity and there's an identity crisis. I don't want to call it plague, but I can't think of another word going on at the moment. So he said um, there are so many things we hold on to, pretending that they don't really matter, which will not allow the love of god to flow through us, which will not, sorry, allow the love of god to flow through us. We convince ourselves that we are secured in those habits, addictions and obsessions and feel that they will go away after some time. God is always trying to communicate with us and wants to help us, but we may feel he does not understand and no one else understands. God wants to fix us and he wants us to give him everything so he can perfect him, perfect it. If we obey him, he becomes real to us. Can you talk on that a bit more, about this identity crisis, please?

Understanding Identity Crisis

Speaker 3 27:03

so, like I said earlier, um, we come, like you know. I mean, if you're meeting me for the first time, you know all packaged, all dressed up, and especially now we have the instagram age where you know people present a different effect yeah, them would be in their closet is something something else. Yeah, so there is a sense of I mean the natural, naturally human beings. We feel insecure, either in your work or in whatever.

Speaker 2 27:37

But why is that? Why do we feel insecure?

Speaker 3 27:40

I think some could be from. Everything stems from childhood. What's been your caregiver, what you've gone through? In my line of work we talk about secured attachment, insecure attachment, so that brings a lot of anxiety, fear, fear of the unknown, fear of I will be judged, fear of what people would say. But even look at the Bible, you can see examples of examples of people thinking I mean Saul. The major issue Saul had was the fear of people, and so, rather than trusting God, he trusted human beings examples of people thinking.

Speaker 3 28:17

I mean Saul. The major issue Saul had was the fear of people, and so, rather than trusting God, he trusted human beings. You look at the children of Israelites not trusting God. So that thing that the enemy has put in human being, not to want to trust God, that this God can save us and change us, can help us, is there. So there's the spirit of fear that holds you down. It is a spirit that this God can save us and change us, can help us. Is there so?

Speaker 2 28:38

there's the spirit of fear that holds you down.

Speaker 3 28:39

Fear is a spirit. It is, and you have to consciously pull it down. The Bible says casting down fear, casting down thoughts, imagination. So there are strong goals. They start somewhere, somebody has done something to us and then we repeat it Before you know it, it's taking root it's taking. We repeat it before you know it, it's taking roots, it's taking ground, and before you know it becomes a struggle.

Speaker 3 28:59

So you grew up in an environment where it's always criticism oh, you're not good enough, or you're always being told off. That puts a lot of things in you, whether you like it or not. Yeah, and so, human beings, without allowing god, without saying no, I am the righteousness of god in Christ Jesus. I will not be afraid. You consciously have to leave. It's a conscious decision to live a wholesome life. It's not something that will drop on your lap, because everybody has the fair one way or the other, but you have to consciously decide and say I will not allow situations to overwhelm me.

Speaker 3 29:35

So that's why we have the scriptures constantly helping us, shaping us, shaping us. So that's one side. Then identity crisis I want to be like you, you want to be like me, I want to live the life this person lives. The person we should be like is Christ. Some people know Christ christ, some people don't, and so when you are now dealing with stuff and you don't have a relationship with god, of course you will fall to a default of I'm not good enough, um, you know, I, I can't do this.

Speaker 3 30:11

There's always I can't see, I can I don't know how to, and there's also those that come with the facade of. You know, I've got it together.

Speaker 2 30:19

Yeah.

Speaker 3 30:20

But deep down they've got nothing.

Speaker 3 30:24

So it varies in so many ways. But you have to be true to yourself. You have to come to a place where God I don't know how to do it and he said in our weakness it's made strong. We need to come to that place where you know that I can't do this in my strength. But that's why we talk about faith, because when you have faith in God that says you can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you. We have the Holy Spirit. He said you have the Holy Spirit. He will teach you all things to strengthen you. We have the Holy Spirit. He said you have the Holy Spirit. He will teach you all things. We have the unction from the Holy One. He will teach you everything.

Speaker 3 30:57

He will show you things to come. We would always get it wrong. You would always get it wrong. One of the things that I've learned is to say things Before I open my mouth. I'm saying Holy Spirit, what do you want me to say? How do you want me to say this?

Speaker 2 31:10

How do you?

Speaker 3 31:10

want me to reach out, but I still get it wrong. There are days that I get it wrong. There are days that I worry, I'm anxious. When I'm stressed out, I miss it. I say things that I don't want to say, but Christ has already paid for it all. So it's not about us trying to fix it. It's about knowing that I can always go to a God who is perfect In Him. I'm fix it. It's about knowing that I can always go to a god who is perfect in him. I'm made perfect.

Speaker 3 31:38

So it's an understanding. You have to understand that there is a god that you have a relationship with. It comes with relationship. I was talking a couple of days and I said it's not just about saying you know god, it's about god knowing you. God said for I know Abraham. God can vouch that this is what Abraham is going to do. The question is does God even know you? So identity crisis is something that is in the world because when man fell, you know the devil has taken authority over us. But you can take your authority because Christ has given you authority.

Speaker 3 32:13

So you have to come as someone that knows that those that know their God, they will do experts that's the difference between the two, knowing that you know God you know, david will say oh, my enemy has done this, oh, I've done that, he said, but I will strengthen myself. And he will come to that realization and say but God is my help, god is my fortress. So you have to, you can't stay down like he says. We fall down, but we rise you fall, you rise the next day if you stay with what people will say, and I think that's what crushes a lot of times because when we fall, we're wondering about they're gonna laugh at me

Speaker 3 32:51

you know I mean. There's so many examples. I mean mary, if you think about mary in this, our age at 14 or 15 pregnant. Oh my god, she's deceiving herself, you know.

Tele 33:02

She said the only spring made her. Who does she think? Who does she think she's fooling?

Speaker 3 33:06

so you know, so we would always be judged. I mean, and when you look at jesus, honestly jesus would have developed mental health if he didn't know who he was.

Speaker 2 33:16

It's a daily that's going to sound like blasphemy. Now Don't let them come after you.

Speaker 3 33:21

When we look at it in our way, if I have. Jesus. Christ and people condemn me every day. Oh my God, and I don't know who I am. It would affect me mentally Definitely, because the fear, and so that's what causes fear. You know what they're talking about From a young child. Oh, my friend said this about me. People were talking about me. Those are the little foxes that are killing us and because and Jesus was an example to show us that the same thing that he did to him, he will face in this world.

Speaker 3 33:55

He said in this world you will face trial, you will face tribulation. He said but be of good cheer.

Speaker 2 34:00

That's what we need to know.

Speaker 3 34:03

That's why knowing God is not a one-day thing. It's not like I read my Bible yesterday and it will cover me for the rest of the year. No, it's not like I prayed today and it will cover me for the rest of yet. No, it's not like I prayed today and he will cover me for the next three months.

Speaker 3 34:17

No, our walk with god is a daily walk, because the bible says the enemy is roaming tall and through looking for who to devote, he will heal somebody and they will say, okay, he said he's casting out people with demons. If he allows those things to affect him, of course it would affect his mind because he's thinking oh god, look at how they're talking about me, look at what they say.

Speaker 3 34:36

But that's what we do, god you know, my friend said these. My friends said they don't like me, and god is saying no, that's not what you should focus on. And so we've all developed that fear of I don't know who I am god said when they went to guinea and said, oh you mighty man of v that's what god sees well, he didn't see himself he didn't see himself that way. The only person that sees the complete whole.

Speaker 3 35:02

You is god, because human beings cannot be trusted yeah he said he curses, he will put his trust in man. If you think you have expectation that somebody would praise you and say yes, we talk about affirmation, always affirming your children as a parent, that's what you do. Affirm them, affirm them. Affirm them so that when they're out there, when somebody says something different, they say no, I know who I am. And so it's the same thing with a believer Affirming yourself in the world, because God sees perfectly.

Speaker 3 35:33

God is not looking at the broken shield. He's not looking at the shield that made the mistake yesterday. He's not looking at. You know what are the horrible examples that you can give? Paul that killed people, that killed believers. He's not looking at. You that aborted a child. He's not looking at you that committed adultery, he's not looking at. That's not what God is saying. He's not looking at those things. He that committed adultery, he's not looking at. That's not what God is saying. He's not looking at those things. He's looking at the one that will come with repentance and say I messed up. Yes.

Speaker 3 35:58

Like the prodigal son, I messed up, I've come back. And God doesn't still. But because we still look at those things don't stay in the condemnation. We don't forget those judged. So don't focus on what people would think, because that's what kills us. I'm worried about what people will say.

Speaker 2 36:19

People will say they would always say and the thing is, sometimes you think people are even talking about you. They don't. They're not even thinking about you, or they talk about you for maybe one day, and then that's it, but that's what brings anxiety.

Speaker 3 36:32

So people have the fear. You're looking at them and saying maybe they're talking about me. That's the way they're looking at me. Nobody cares, nobody cares, nobody cares, nobody cares. And so it's something inside of you that you need to fix, and life is a process. Everybody goes through a process, but when you know that that's not where I don't stay in my mess, I mess up. I don't stay there, I get up, I rise, I keep rising, I keep rising. That's how you can have true identity.

Speaker 2 37:05

And this brings me to something you said in your book. You said something about God dealing with us. He heals us from the inside out. Can you expand on that a bit more, how he heals us from the inside out? Give us practical examples of that?

Speaker 3 37:25

And just so that people listening would know what you're trying to get at. So when I said that, you know I went to God as a packaged vessel. So I remember going for a retreat years ago and I went in there thinking I know God, you know those times of everything that you know, I feel like yeah.

Speaker 2 37:41

It's me and God.

Speaker 3 37:43

I'm with this group of women, but yeah, we'll see how it goes. And the first night and sometimes God will take you away from your usual environment to deal with what is on the inside, so I was with this group of women we're about 12 and most of them mostly white and then they started with worship. This woman didn't even say any, just worship. We were there, we were just quiet, we had our eyes closed, yeah and um, and God started to deal with me.

Tele 38:19

It was it was.

Speaker 3 38:21

it was like he's like you're not going anywhere. I need to deal with those things now for the, for the three days that I was at that meeting. Yeah, I wept throughout.

Speaker 2 38:34

Wow.

Healing from the Inside Out

Speaker 3 38:34

In fact I'm sure they won't understand what was why you were weeping I got some person, god it is enough, and he kept saying no, I have to finish my work because god has to finish a walk in us. So our brokenness is on the inside, it's not on the inside outside so that's why they talk about. You know, let admonition be from within. It's not from the water. We see and we can see each other, but our spirit, we're spirit, we're first of all spirit.

Speaker 3 38:58

Yeah, this our flesh will fade away oh, definitely, but if your spirit is is not in tune with god, those things will continue so from within you. That's why he talks about. He said, the spirit of man is the candle of god, because he's searching, he's looking, trying to find those things. So he starts pruning you from within, he starts changing you from the inside out. That's where God starts from. God doesn't start from God, doesn't look at. You know the face when I think it was Samuel, was it Saul when they were looking for the king to chose, and you know it was like, ah, of all these children. Or is it Saul when they were looking for the king to chose and it was like of all these children? Or is it David, David, David Of all the children?

Tele 39:44

None of these ones, he said you still have another child.

Speaker 3 39:46

So God looks at the inward and if your inward is not clean to relate with him, there's no way you can have fellowship with God, because God wants to have fellowship and until he, until you give yourself to him, a lot of times we can be stubborn, we can be stubborn, that's why we don't, you know, we say to God, and I said to God God, deal with this aspect.

Speaker 2 40:12

This one, let me handle it. You know what?

Speaker 3 40:16

Let me deal with your relationships. I'm like no, I can deal with this aspect of my relationships. You just deal with that.

Speaker 3 40:24

You know the surface yeah so, and god was not going to deal with that. And so when I was at this place, god started to deal with me to the point that I was like God, I give up, I give up, do what you want to do. So you can't come to God and say I'm only allowing you to touch that bit of it, but this one don't touch it. It doesn't work that way. You have to. God doesn't want to walk with half-baked people, he wants to walk the so it doesn't call the qualified.

Speaker 2 41:02

You realize that everybody that.

Speaker 3 41:04

God calls is in your broken state, that he calls you, that's true. And then he qualifies you yeah. And then we still need to continue to walk on it, because the fact that God saved you doesn't mean that you are whole, doesn't mean that those character flaws are still not there.

Speaker 3 41:22

But if you walk, with him he keeps pruning it, plucking it out, removing it. So now it's down to us, really how far we want God to walk with us, because he's willing, he's ever ready, he's paid the full price. It's not something new that he's going to do. Jesus went. Jesus went into hell, took the keys of life and then said it is finished. The veil was on.

Tele 41:46

So he's completed the work.

Speaker 3 41:48

And so that work is what he wants to do in us. And so when he picks you from the married cliff, from that brokenness, as it picks you from the married cliff, from that brokenness, as I say, okay, let me deal with this. Your lying and you know it keeps working on you. And then you're convicted and you're like, oh God, I lied today. Okay, I'm going to do better. So you have an awareness that this is what God wants to do.

Speaker 3 42:08

He keeps changing that bit of it. And then he picks on your maybe your weariness and keeps working on it. He picks on your anger, keeps working on it, picks on your fear. So you're growing, you're growing, your inner mind becomes stronger. So when you have strength in your inner mind, you yourself you would know when you've grown, because there was a time that I was the most timid girl that you can think of.

Speaker 3 42:32

I was so timid, I was so afraid I was so timid, I was so afraid, I was so shy. People always ask me oh, how did you get to?

Speaker 3 42:39

this one and I'm like, if only you know that I was not always like this, but god started to pick each aspect, started to walk through me, and the one thing that I know that god has given me is is compassion. I just can't. I struggle to see the worst in people and, yes, you know, or you let people get away with things and sometimes people think you're foolish. That's why you let them get away with it. It's not. It's just because you've chosen to see what God will see, and that's where God is taking.

Speaker 3 43:10

God wants you to reflect him in what you do, so when he's working on the inside of you, when you're relating with people, and you do so when he's working on the inside of when you, when you're relating with people and you're still dealing with them and treating them, that means your inside has not been dealt with. So when I talk about God wanting to do the work on the inside because it is what goes on the inside of you that people can see and saying that this one, the Bible talks about the apostles, the disciples they know that these ones have been with Christ because there was something different, because that's what reflects on the outside they said they dare not join them because they know that these ones they've dined with Jesus they sat with him, they ate with him.

Speaker 3 43:48

So that's how we start to show the world and people start to see something on this. People see you. Sometimes they're like something about you that I can't place my hand on, I can't figure it out, and then, when you now started, they were like okay, no wonder.

Tele 44:01

Yeah, that's because God is working in you.

Speaker 3 44:05

Yeah, and God would meet you at the point where you are. He would love you.

Tele 44:12

Just as you are, just as you are.

Speaker 3 44:14

If you say, don't touch that bit, you will keep working with it, but one day you catch up, and that's the thing. That's why the grace is so sufficient, because if it was me, you trying to help me and I don't get it, I've just not done yet, please go, we give up, never gives up, never give up on us and that's the grace that we have and it doesn't mean that we should take that grace for granted for granted. I hope I've been able to explain that.

Speaker 2 44:44

Yeah, you have, you have. You've really gone deep into that.

Speaker 2 44:47

I had a whole load of questions that I wrote down to ask you. I haven't asked one, so I'm going to see if there's anything here that I want to refer to. Yeah, I think you've covered most of it, to be honest. Yeah, from what you said earlier, you said a lot of all these problems, the insecurities, and all start from when we're young. So let's go back, let's rewind. Imagine you were a young person or a young child. What kind of things would you want to have been told or taught as a young person that would help you grow up as a whole person? Do you get what I'm trying to say? What? So? Because at the end of the day, I want us to bring out something that younger people we can maybe parents listening or we can use to help younger people coming up there so they don't come up feeling insecure or broken or whatever yeah, well, first of all, start with you as an adult.

Speaker 3 45:50

So you've been raised, so some people have been raised in, maybe, a culture where it's very aggressive yeah it's or where there's fear, fear of we don't have enough. Oh, don't spend that because we don't have for tomorrow. Those sort of little things, that people, it's like a seed that you're sowing. You're constantly sowing and projecting fear.

Speaker 2 46:19

You're constantly sowing and projecting poverty mindset fear.

Speaker 3 46:22

You know you are anxious. I don't know about you. I've been in offices where somebody carries so much anxiety that can affect you. And you're asking yourself why am I feeling anxious? Sometimes it's what you pick from your environment, so a lot of people carry a lot of baggages with them from childhood and so, because they refuse to deal with it, they project it to their children and so it becomes a generational thing, but some people will get to a place where you know.

Breaking Generational Patterns

Speaker 3 46:57

A friend shared something about two weeks ago and he said when he was young. He said he came from a very poor background and one day he went with his mother I think they were going somewhere and he said to the mother I will not allow this poverty that you grew up with to define my future something like that. I didn't get the quote, but I'm sure it's God that put it in this child.

Speaker 3 47:26

There are times that God wants to break something. He wants to break a pattern and he would bring a different way of doing it.

Speaker 3 47:33

And so for parents who have gone through that, who are projecting those sort of things and they're doing automatically, but you as a child can get to that place where you've met god, god is saying this thing is not right. You break it, so we can break, we don't have to continue with those sort of things. So I was raised um, my father is one that I wasn't raised with a negative mindset. I don't believe in. It's impossible. I don't believe that there's nothing that you cannot do.

Speaker 2 48:07

Yes.

Speaker 3 48:07

I had my insecurities in other areas, but it wasn't about him saying you can't have this thing. I was raised to believe that there's nothing that I cannot be, and that's the way and that's what I project to my children. So when my children say, oh, I can't, I'm like there's nothing like that, I can't in your dictionary, because you can do all things through christ so everything has a scripture to say to, to counter what you have just said.

Speaker 3 48:31

Because the world, if the world is saying there's a casting down, I can't follow the world to say there's a casting down. That's not what God. And so if you don't know the word of God, you will continue that pattern. Because the world, when you look at it, you said you know the things that we see they're temporary. The things that you cannot see are the eternal things.

Speaker 3 48:50

So the word of God is constantly talking about you know faith comes by hearing you. God is constantly talking about you know faith comes by hearing you know you've got the Holy Spirit. He will teach you all things. You know you've been sealed with the love of the Holy Spirit. You are the head, you are not the tail. Why do I have to say otherwise? If I say that I'm a believer, then let's start from that, from that. So we have. If you say you are a believer, you have to live it and your children have to see that this is where you're coming from. So it doesn't matter how, whether how you've even been raised, whether you know people have projected fair or your parents. If you know god, you can redefine your life like jabesh.

Speaker 3 49:27

Jabesh said you know what I'm not going to continue like this and you can rewrite your story, so you keep speaking the word of god while there's a casting down?

Speaker 2 49:36

no, there's no casting down where's the?

Speaker 3 49:38

lifting up when I go to places and people are always I'm like no, I immediately. Sometimes people think, oh, let's face facts.

Speaker 2 49:45

But the fact is not the word of God. I just stop you there. It just reminded me of something when my son was young, every time he would ask me, sometimes he would ask me for something and I'd be like, no, I'm rich, I'm rich. And he was like mom, what kind of being rich is this? You say you're rich and yet you're not giving me. And I had to make him understand that I'm confessing what I want, what I want to see, but he still teases me to now to see.

Speaker 3 50:12

Until you see the manifestation, you don't quit along the line, you don't start something, and then you say I've tried once, it didn't work, I've tried twice. No, you keep going. Faith comes by hearing and hearing and hearing the word of God until you see the manifestation of what you. It's like you've planted a seed and then you keep going to check oh, is it growing? Oh, is it growing? No, you've planted a seed and then you keep going to check.

Tele 50:36

Oh, is it growing, oh is it growing?

Speaker 3 50:37

No, you've planted it and you keep declaring what you want. What do you want to see? One day when my kids were still young, I remember we went away on holiday and that was when the story of a child got missing. I think it was the can Okay. That child got me so the fear of every time they're somewhere. I'm always checking.

Tele 50:58

Where are they? Where are they?

Speaker 3 51:00

And so I was like God why, why am I feeling like this? And God asked me a question. He said what do you see? Ah I then started to search my mind. I didn't see anything. I had nothing stored up for my children.

Speaker 2 51:16

I had not created a vision of what I want to see.

Speaker 3 51:18

There was nothing there. So what will God even work with? So all I could see was fear of my child being taken away. So I was like, wow, is that it? So I started to write things down. I started to write things about the school that they will go to. I started to call them the head and not the tail I started to call them. Call those things that I want to see in their lives.

Speaker 3 51:43

So that is how to change the narrative of what you want to see and that if you continue that way, they will pick it up and do that, and that's why god could boast of him. I said for I know Abraham, he would teach his household to follow me. He knows that this is not. He's not a man that would just say he has a plan. So you have to define what you want to see.

Speaker 3 52:06

So that's why I say this walk with God is not child's play. It's not okay. You know, the devil comes and eats you with something I'm like okay, let me accept it. No, we don't.

Speaker 2 52:17

No, we'll fight back no we'll fight back.

Speaker 3 52:19

We'll take back everything that you said. There's a song you said I'm taking back what the enemy stole from me so.

Speaker 3 52:25

I have to consciously renew it in the mind. That's why the Bible talks about casting down imagination, thoughts, everything that raises its ugly head against the knowledge of the word of God, because what you see on a daily basis will seem like reality. The doctor has told you that you're dying in five days. That's the reality of what you're seeing. What does the word of God say? So what do you want to see in the future? Start to create it now. Start to write it down.

Speaker 3 52:53

Write down the vision, make it plain so that people that say it would run on it. I have a vision, but I write the things on a yearly basis and I've taught my children write it down. If they want something, write it down. If they come and ask me something, I'm looking and I say have you asked the Holy Spirit? Because I won't always be in your life.

Speaker 3 53:13

You're going to get to a place where you're making decisions. Who are you taking counsel from? That's a good one. So you teach them. Teach them the word of God, Teach them to follow God themselves and don't give up.

Speaker 2 53:29

It's a long journey.

Speaker 3 53:30

We will do it for the rest of our lives.

Speaker 2 53:32

That's the thing, that's the reality of life, that's true.

Speaker 3 53:35

You have to be intentional in whatever you want to see. If you want to have a relationship, you have to be intentional in pouring into that relationship. You want a friend. You have to be intentional If you want to see things. Bible says you build what you want to see. So you can't be sowing corn and expect to reap grapes and banana, it's impossible because that's not how God works.

Speaker 3 53:58

God will work with what he sees that this child I can trust this child, I can rely on you that you will teach your children my ways.

Speaker 2 54:06

You will show them the pattern.

Speaker 3 54:08

So that's how you do it. You confess it.

Speaker 2 54:10

Confessing the word of God on a daily basis.

Speaker 3 54:15

Sometimes I wake up, and I'm feeling very low and you can't start declaring the joy of the lord is my strength, the joy. Before you know it, that feeling will go feelings are fickle and if we sit? On the feeling that I'm feeling. I'm feeling this way, I'm feeling that you're not going to get it. You have to make the word of God your friend daily and it has to be stored up because there will be a time that you need it.

Speaker 2 54:42

If nothing is stored up, you can't bring anything out.

Speaker 3 54:43

That's true. One plus one can never be two. If you've not done it on this, what have you stored up? So, when God is working with you, what is here? So, when somebody says something, immediately you're saying there's therefore now no condemnation for, because you already have it the devil went to Jesus. I mean, when Jesus was there he was saying okay, jump If Jesus didn't have any. This is after 40 days that this guy is tired, he's hungry, he's hungry and somebody shows up, what do you have?

Speaker 3 55:11

stood up, he said. For stood up, said for it is written.

Speaker 2 55:20

So, immediately you come with it is written that's the daily work of the faith. Wow, wow, thank you so much. We have fast come to the end of the podcast, but, um, I just wanted to um say thank you, thank you so much for coming. Um, I like to end this podcast always on a note of hope. So what would you want to say to people out there listening, anybody who's listening, who's going through a situation where they're thinking I don't know who I am, I'm feeling insecure, there's anxiety. Just something to encourage people.

Speaker 3 55:45

Last word I would say don't give up and don't stop because you feel stopped and don't say, oh, I've gone through this situation. I don't say, oh, I've gone through this situation, I don't think god can use me.

Speaker 3 56:00

That's when god even wants to use you and people come to me oh, how are you able to do ministry? And I'm thinking hopefully you know. The truth is that we're never going to be perfect. Yes, we're walking towards perfection, but don't don't sit in that space where you are and say that's the end of it. It's not going to happen for me. Rise from where you are and still wash your face.

Speaker 3 56:27

Get up and walk with your head high Human beings cannot define you. They can only talk about you. So if you come to that place of believing that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me, so you will feel along the line. Don't, but don't stay there. You know, when you do something, sometimes I will do things I'm feeling there's definitely no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. You know that you've done something wrong and then you're feeling bad and the Holy Spirit says snap out of it. Why?

Final Words of Encouragement

Speaker 3 56:58

It's not because he doesn't know that you, but he doesn't want you to be doing pity party I don't want you to be doing pity party and dwelling on that and dwelling on it. I've messed up, I've moved on. Okay next. So, if you want, to sit down in my your problem, but I am not sitting there, I'm going, I'm rising, I'm rising around, so don't give up don't say because, uh, this thing has happened or I've been broken.

Speaker 3 57:24

When I was a child, this happened to me, and so that that does not define you, I'm not in a relationship, I'm not married, I'm divorced. God wants to use you when, when Moses said to God, oh, but I don't know how to speak.

Speaker 3 57:38

God said I will send. God kept each time that Moses said to me God would give him a solution. God wants you as you are, so go as you are. You know, just go, and that way he will start to walk with you and you will see his hand on so. I would encourage, encourage, you, don't give up, give up.

Speaker 2 57:59

Don't give up and god sees you. Yeah, thank you so much. God sees you. Don't give up and god sees you. Where can people contact you if they want to contact you and if they want to get a copy of your book? How can we support your ministry? What can we do? Just let us know. So the book is on Amazon.

Speaker 3 58:16

It's on Amazon and then on my website and then I have copies so people can always contact me on Instagram. What's your Instagram handle?

Speaker 2 58:28

it's at solankeseun and the website is what the website is.

Speaker 3 58:34

So I've got two websites, and then there's sh Sholan Care as well.

Speaker 2 58:40

Okay, quickly, what's the Potter's Daughters Ministry about and is there anything people can do to help or support.

Tele 58:48

It's also on this journey of healing.

Speaker 2 58:50

Healing okay.

Speaker 3 58:52

So we hold quarterly meetings where women come together to empower each other. The Bible talks about each other holding each other's hand. One of the things that God has taught me is raising women, worshiping in spirit and in truth. So it's about each one of us helping one another, growing in love.

Speaker 3 59:12

So we have a prayer ministry. We pray for children every saturday morning 6, 30 am in the morning till7 and then we pray on tuesdays for women, you know 30 minutes tuesday, 12 pm just praying for women. And then we do praying in the spirit every morning, 9, 20 to 9, 50, just praying in the building up ourselves in the most holy faith.

Speaker 2 59:39

So if people want to join in for that any of these prayer times, do they just go into your website or how do they? Is there a link to join the?

Speaker 3 59:48

prayers. So at the moment we have a WhatsApp where we do, and then there's a Zoom link as well where we do that and that will be on my website. So the. Whatsapp group will be there. The Zoom link will be there, so anybody that wants to join.

Speaker 2 1:00:04

So I'll link all of these details in the podcast notes so anybody who wants to contact you can contact you thank you so so much it's been really nice having you.

Speaker 2 1:00:16

Thank you very much. Thank you so much for joining me today on Navigating the Chapters of Challenge. Your time means the world to me and I hope today's episode inspired and encouraged you. If you enjoyed this episode, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with your friends, family or anyone who could use a little hope and encouragement with your friends, family or anyone who could use a little hope and encouragement. You can find our podcast on Spotify, buzzsprout, apple Podcasts, youtube and wherever you love listening to podcasts.

Speaker 2 1:00:43

Want to support the show? It's easy, Just click the support button on Buzzsprout. And any contribution, big or small, helps us keep bringing you stories and insights that matter. And don't forget to check out our latest book, navigating the Chapters of Challenge from Trials to Triumph, available now on Amazon. It's packed with inspiration and practical wisdom to help you navigate life's storms. We'd also love to hear from you If you have a story to share, an idea or just want to say hi, feel free to reach out. Your voice matters and, who knows, your story might just inspire our next episode. Thanks again for listening. Stay strong, stay inspired and I'll see you on the next episode.