Finding Harmony: Inspirational Story From The Autism Spectrum

Alex Dean-Roberts shares his remarkable journey of living with autism, highlighting the struggles and triumphs he has faced throughout his life. He discusses the significance of support from family, the impact of music on his identity, and the importance of understanding and empathy in fostering inclusive environments for individuals with autism. 

• Alex’s early realisation of his differences in school 
• The notable role of family support and advocacy 
• Experiencing bullying and social challenges growing up 
• Music as a form of expression and connection 
• The journey of receiving an autism diagnosis 
• The need for greater understanding and support in educational settings 
• Alex’s message about how to help and empathise with those on the spectrum 
• The importance of following one’s passions and beliefs

Chapters

• 0:33 Navigating Life With Autism
• 16:17 Overcoming School Challenges With Sea Cadets
• 30:12 Finding Support and Pursuing Passions
• 49:15 Overcoming Challenges and Seeking Independence

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:33

Thank you, hello and welcome to Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele. Today I've got my new friend in the house, alex Dean-Robots. I met Alex only recently, but he's become my good, good friend now and, yeah, he's been a real help to me. I'm going to ask Alex to introduce himself, tell us a little bit about himself and then we'll start the conversation. So over to you, alex. Tell us about yourself.

Speaker 3 0:58

Hello everyone, my name is Alex Dean Roberts. I'm a full-time mobile DJ and I just like editing and building websites and making memories.

Speaker 2 1:11

Yeah, making memories, fun memories for people who invite you to do DJ. So how much DJing do you do?

Speaker 3 1:20

Started since I was at school and then built it up from school and then to college, and then through college up to business side, and it's like still carry on, and still going through is about living with autism.

Speaker 2 1:43

If you don't know, Alex actually lives with autism and Alex has only recently been diagnosed with it. Diagnosed that's the word yes, with autism. So he's lived with it all his life, but only recently he's been diagnosed with autism and is now on the spectrum as ASD level one, and we're just having a conversation about living with autism and how an autistic person I mean from his perspective, just to see how he's managed, how he's navigated through this- Slowly, slowly and steady.

Speaker 2 2:19

Slowly and steady through this aspect of his life. So at what age did you realise that you were different?

Speaker 3 2:25

through this aspect of his life.

Speaker 3 2:30

So at what age did you realise that you were different? I think it was like at school time, okay, when I was at Downsview School in Swanley. Okay, and I was a bit delayed, like learning behind, like trying to understand the class, understand the lesson, and then always ask the teacher, can I have some help, can I have some help? And all these people were like one step ahead of me and I was like very slowly understanding the lesson. So like taught me today, three days down the line, I won't understand that lesson okay so it took me three days to understand.

Speaker 3 3:10

Okay, one day lesson, okay, and then from that the teacher went. We can give you a help with your homework or your coursework, and then through schoolwork, it's like getting to that one-to-one help. And then I got the teacher come around my house to do me after school teaching.

Speaker 2 3:38

Okay, was that something your?

Speaker 3 3:39

mum organised, Mum organised it that's what it gave me, so I wasn't far behind in schoolwork, so that's what helped me out. Ok. Through when I was in year three, four, five, six and then carried on through secondary school.

Speaker 2 3:58

So I wasn't behind the job, that I was kind of on their level, but I wasn't on their level okay, so that was because your mom got somebody to help you, but the school did the school at any time say they needed to maybe do like a test for you or check if any form of the spectrum?

Speaker 3 4:20

I had speech learning problems, speech problems and I was kind of bullied through school life.

Speaker 2 4:30

Okay. Do you want to talk to us about that? Is that something you're happy to talk about? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 4:36

And people picked on me saying oh, I don't want to see you, you're not good friends, you're very slow at understanding, you can't talk properly. All the nasty bullying words. Yeah. And it was like really horrible and it was so hard to make friends. But then I made some friends through outside school. Okay. But didn't realise they were at the same school. Oh okay, and then so somehow playing like football, and then through that playing football with them, panning around with them more at school, and then somehow I made a good friend called Kyle. Okay.

Speaker 3 5:22

And then decided from there being friends and then didn't have many friends at school. I just kept to myself being me.

Speaker 2 5:35

Yeah, so when you didn't have many friends at school, what did you used to do during your lunchtime playtime? Did you read something Going onto?

Speaker 3 5:43

the computers, computers, computer room. Okay, that's playing music, listening to music, and that's playing football.

Speaker 2 5:51

A bit of badminton okay, oh, badminton, okay, my husband will like you for that.

Speaker 3 5:58

He plays badminton okay take it there, I could do it you could have a game with him one of those days.

Speaker 2 6:10

Yeah, so did any of the teachers actually speak to you about bullying, or did you talk to them about the bullying and did they do anything about it?

Speaker 3 6:14

It kept under like, oh, nothing to go from, no, nothing, it's not true, not true. And then all of a sudden there was like rumours going around that actually he is getting picked on. And then it's all of a sudden it's like, oh, we made a mistake.

Speaker 2 6:32

And then, what did they do after that?

Speaker 3 6:33

And then I left that school. Okay. And then the teacher went we need to get you back into school because you're learning. And then I didn't feel safe and didn't feel myself okay like if I'm going to one teacher saying can I have some help with this?

Speaker 2 6:51

I'm struggling with this, and she went so you went back to that same school again. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 6:58

And then the teacher went right we're gonna do all your work in this class because you'd know you're relaxing.

Speaker 2 7:04

Your safe zone is in the classroom okay, so there was one teacher that took interest in you yeah and did that for you. So how was it different in secondary school?

Speaker 3 7:15

um, we went to four different schools to find what school was suitable for me. Yeah, I went to. I had, to like put three or four schools down to be accepted in. Yeah. What school I wanted to go in. Yeah. I put Wilderness School, dartford School, and there's another school somewhere near Sidcup, a chem school. Okay, yeah. Because some of the subjects I was really good at like looking at the computer side or the music side so I just wanted to be them sort of subjects I knew I could be good at.

Speaker 2 8:04

Yeah.

Speaker 3 8:05

Instead of. Just all the general stuff, all the general stuff about I want to be good. Yeah. Performance. And then I thought I do Go to a school where I feel it will help me out a lot. But that was wrong.

Speaker 2 8:22

Okay, in what way? But that was wrong.

Speaker 3 8:25

Okay, in what way? In year seven I did, I got to do all the subjects maths, english, science, geography, re, music, ict, pshd, mm-hm, ict, pshd. And then I just we tried to put a school planner planning, something like school planned, where you go from one school to another school, got all your planning involved. I don't know what it's called. I don't know myself.

Speaker 2 9:05

It's like when you go from one school to another school, got all your planning involved. Okay, I don't know what it's called. I don't know myself. Was it like something that was? Organised with the school Organised. Okay, so you went from one school to another, so they did different subjects that way.

Speaker 3 9:16

So they had all their paperwork, so they can support me in that school.

Speaker 2 9:21

Okay, so you didn't just stay in one school. I stayed in a whole school, okay, so you didn't just stay in one school, I stayed in a whole school Okay, but Downview sent all my paperwork to Woodland School to get me the support I needed.

Speaker 3 9:32

Okay in that school. In that school. Okay, and then found out I was in the bottom sets in maths, english, science, ict.

Speaker 2 9:43

ICT as well.

Speaker 3 9:44

Yeah, how come? How did that make you feel I don't? I'd have thought why I was in this bottom set when I was good at it.

Speaker 3 9:55

Yeah, especially the ICT and then when my dad had his own company, I was helping him out with ICT computers side, where dad would teach me at home and teach me so I knew what to do that side. Yeah, if I'm stuck on that homework I'll go to a dad or mum or someone I knew who could be helping me out with that information. Yeah. Or my old teacher asked to help me out. Say, can I get some help with my key states, free key state for English or functional skills and then they'll call it.

Speaker 3 10:38

And then I got bullied and got picked on at school and I didn't want to go to school for a couple months and then from that it was like we found a teacher who supported me, but we had a teaching assistant who meant to be supporting me but she got called to other students to support them.

Speaker 2 11:07

So you didn't have a teacher for yourself.

Speaker 3 11:09

We had a support. The school promised me promised mum that I'm meant to have a one-to-one support, but I didn't get that.

Speaker 2 11:18

Okay, and did your mum try and push for that?

Speaker 3 11:22

They banned mum from school, saying she was a pussy parent.

Speaker 2 11:26

No way, because she was asking for support from you.

Speaker 3 11:29

Asking for support. The doctors and the other school were trying to help out, but they didn't want to know because there was not enough funding for the schools. It was hard. It must have been hard. It must not. Enough funding for the schools. It was hard.

Speaker 2 11:47

It must have been hard. It must have been hard on your mum. How did she cope with this?

Speaker 3 11:51

Through fit and thin. Yeah. And then through schools it was like it was okay for ICT side, because mum's good at computers, dad's good at computers. I was picking it up from them, yeah, and then my cousin's a radio. Dj. Okay, he used to work for London Heart and met him a couple of times through my dad's side family and then he was like yep cool, can I learn music, Can I see what you're doing? And then that sort of music side got me involved. In music.

Speaker 3 12:29

So I followed his steps to do the music side for DJing.

Speaker 2 12:33

Okay. So it's all good, it's all good. And that's now. Today we have DJ. Dj, what's your name? Again, dj?

Speaker 3 12:41

ASC.

Speaker 2 12:41

ASC, asc, disco yeah.

Speaker 3 12:50

And you're doing very well with the music and all of that. And then through school, through eight I was okay, nine, I had to do a project for ICT. So I thought, what can I do a project on? I don't want to do a project night school wise. Yeah, I could continue a project that I was helping my dad out, okay, where we stopped the cool gam cow, that stopped people gambling. Okay, and that's company or something. It's open mates out with the company. Okay, I said can I use that as a project? They went so why not?

Speaker 3 13:24

so I thought I used that okay for your project and then it's kind of went wow, how did that come up?

Speaker 2 13:31

was that from school when you did that?

Speaker 3 13:33

I did it through from home, from home, and it was like how did you make that? Went through home, through college, through school yeah, and all this, all these sidewares. You're not meant to know on the ict what way to do it, but I knew how to because I was in the bottom set. Yeah, you don't get taught much. Yeah, but if you're in the top set, you get taught different language, yeah. So I thought I'd do that.

Speaker 2 14:03

I thought yes okay, so when you did that, did they move you to a different set?

Speaker 3 14:07

no, it still kept me in that set and the bottom set kept me in the bottom set for every single lesson every lesson maths, english science, ict wow and and pe, I did not do well okay, why do you think you didn't do well in? Pe. I liked football. I was good at football, good at hockey, good at badminton, good at squash, table tennis, basketball.

Speaker 2 14:37

So you should have done very well in PE.

Speaker 3 14:39

But it was hockey, it was rugby. That school was particular.

Speaker 2 14:43

Yes, I get that Good at Not football. Okay.

Speaker 3 14:48

And then they went no, pe is not your good subject, so we're going Take you out of PE. You can do Carry on your music side, or do Do an extra ICT lesson, or Okay, so they swapped your PE. Yeah.

Speaker 2 15:04

For an extra ICT.

Speaker 3 15:06

Or free lesson free lesson.

Speaker 2 15:07

What's a free lesson?

Speaker 3 15:08

like you can catch up on what your homework is, or okay, so what did you go for? That's cool. All my homework and for GCSEs, as I have called's something else, like grade 1, 2, 3, 4, I did engineering and engineering.

Speaker 2 15:34

That's it that's all you did for GCSE and music Btech music so GCSE, that's the A levels aspect of it so you did two subjects.

Speaker 3 15:49

I did music and I did engineering. And engineering okay, but I thought engineering was all to do with mechanicals like engines and that side. Nope, building birdwatches and egg timers.

Speaker 2 16:05

Did you enjoy that?

Overcoming School Challenges With Sea Cadets

Speaker 3 16:08

It wasn't that my sort of thing. Didn't sound like something you enjoyed I thought it was all to do with engines and how to change an engine, how to change a tyre. Yeah. Because that's how I see it. So for engineering engines Okay, nope, they kind of pulled me out of, and Okay, nope, they kind of pulled me out of the exam. Okay. So it's like we'll go Cavillan E or instead of a U they'll put a little grade saying that you didn't do well in that course. Okay.

Speaker 3 16:42

So, it makes us, it makes the school look good. Oh, so, okay so it makes us, it makes the school look good. Oh so, okay, because I didn't want anybody to have any use. They did a grade that made make them look good but actually not good not good it's.

Speaker 2 16:58

It's sad to hear that the schools do stuff like this yeah playing with people's lives you know, and then.

Speaker 3 17:05

But I was good at music so I had. So I came up with a b-tech first diploma in music okay and then I did um my grade for ict. What shocked them was a D and I was titled for an F so they had said you would come out with an F so they've labelled you as an F? F on most subjects D's and E's, but I come out with C's, d's, e's and a U, c, d's, e and a U, so you definitely did better than they were expecting.

Speaker 2 17:45

C-E-D-E-S-N-E-U. C-e-d-e-n-e-u. So you definitely did better than they were expecting, and sometimes I find it hard when they label people in schools and they just think this person but I didn't get any one-to-one support or anything like that.

Speaker 3 18:02

Yeah, we were still fighting for SEN people to support me, but didn't get anything like that. That's a shame, but then I went to college. I went to Bromley College.

Speaker 2 18:19

How did you get into Bromley College? Was your grade, were your grades, okay to get into Bromley College, or how did that?

Speaker 3 18:26

um, they wanted me to do functional skills like. There's a course called springboard, yeah, where you get to find out what you're good at, what your weakness is, what subjects you're good at, what you want to do at college. Okay. And then from. It was hard because all my grades that I wanted to do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 18:59

They said All the subjects you wanted to do. Yeah.

Speaker 3 19:03

All the subjects I wanted to do was like my grades for my ICT. My music was higher than they thought. Okay. Like my maths, I got a C and on the paperwork it was a D.

Speaker 2 19:23

On what they were going to get.

Speaker 3 19:24

Because they'd done functional skills yeah but my GCSE was higher than functional skill.

Speaker 2 19:34

Okay, can you explain that?

Speaker 3 19:37

I got a D in functional skills, but I got a C in in the GCSE match In. Gcse Okay. And my English. I got a C in In the GCSE match. In GCSE Okay. And my English I got same level as school and college. But I couldn't read my writing because my writing wasn't good, okay. So I thought let's give you a laptop and so you can use that as your.

Speaker 2 20:01

You can use that to type your. Okay, so this was in Springboard, yeah.

Speaker 3 20:04

Mm. Okay, so did they go through anything like that in secondary school. They still didn't. Mum said, oh, he might be dyslexic, might have got something there. No, no, nothing wrong with him, that's a normal boy. But then at college they saw some of my weakness where outside, in school you, they don't want to know you. But at college there is something. But we can't give you that bit of support until you've got the diagnosis okay without the diagnosis you can't give you that support okay so it's like okay, so what can we do?

Speaker 3 20:48

support, get you to do some tests. And then I was like okay, go to the doctors. Doctors letter from the from college. They want to do some tests. They think I've got dyslexic and dyspraxic. We're okay, because then you're over somewhere else. Take you to Craveford, take you to London, craveford, london, craveford, london, back and forth, back and forward. Yeah. And I went yeah, you're dyslexic.

Speaker 2 21:23

So you had to keep going back and forth for a long time.

Speaker 3 21:26

But I was trying to get that support for the school. They didn't want to know because they didn't want to get the funding For it. And if they got the funding, it would help the school out and help me out to progress what I wanted to do.

Speaker 2 21:42

Yeah, yeah, but they were not ready for that.

Speaker 3 21:45

But outside of school I was in the Sea Cadets.

Speaker 2 21:48

Okay, the Sea Cadets Okay, how did you get into Sea Cadets?

Speaker 3 21:55

Wanted to sail on a sailing boat.

Speaker 2 21:59

Okay, did you eventually get to sail? Yeah, oh, good Okay.

Speaker 3 22:05

Started when I was 10 years old. Okay, because my birthday is on the Battle of Trafalgar Day. Okay, 21st of October 1992, battle of Trafalgar yeah. And they went ooh, we need to take you to London. I went why they went oh we need to take you to London, but why? You'll be meeting some royal families and some royal people. I was like, okay, whatever. So I met Prince Andrew and Prince Philip, all the royal, some of the high royal families, and there's an old TV show called Key in the Hole. I don't know that one.

Speaker 3 22:55

It's one of the TV presenters and I met him and I met some of the very famous people from TV. Okay, and then it was like CKDX taught me my strong side, mm, where you do your first aid, simsip, first aid, simsip, engineering, all of your life skills.

Speaker 2 23:25

Okay, so a sea cadet taught you life skills, okay.

Speaker 3 23:29

But to help me through daily life. Okay. Where college will teach you some skills, but not.

Speaker 2 23:37

Life skills, life skills.

Speaker 3 23:40

But a sea cadet will take you further, like if you want to go into the Navy or the Merchant Navy. Okay. But when you go to college it's completely different.

Speaker 2 23:53

So what did you like about Sea Cadets? What was it that you liked the most about Sea Cadets?

Speaker 3 23:57

Making friends and going places Like I was on John Gerwood nearly three times every two months, so a week on. John Gerrard is a training vessel where you can go to teach driving the boat, leadership, first aid, simsip, catering, custodian, engineering all your day-to-day life on a boat, on a ship. So it was like, and going to like, falmouth, france, for a day all these different places, different places, so you like to travel. You can travel in a whole week. And the school said, yeah, that's fine, because you're doing, you're learning while you're working.

Speaker 2 24:55

Okay, okay, so college allowed you to do secret dates at the same time.

Speaker 3 25:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2 25:01

Okay.

Speaker 3 25:02

Because I was like learning what I wanted to do and then school said like where's that school? School said, yeah, that's fine, but you still need to do schoolwork. But one of the teachers went to the Sea Cadets and found out what I was doing. Now they went. You're completely different at Sea Cadets than you are at school.

Speaker 3 25:30

Because you probably felt happier at Sea, cadets I felt more relaxed and I was learning and people understood the learning side. People understood the learning side. But you get people with dyslexia in the wheelchairs. Any problem, they got ADHD. It's all dealt in the sea cadets, okay, where the schools sometimes don't pick it up sometimes, where now it's, I think they do, I don't know.

Speaker 3 26:03

Okay, but during your time time they didn't pick anything up and then first and then to the teacher, went yeah, we made a mistake. We need to support you in schools until you leave school, but we need to do it away from school, knowing Okay, because if we find out, the school are thinking why didn't we help?

Speaker 2 26:30

that person. So they were trying to more or less cover it up.

Speaker 3 26:33

Yeah, but still the teachers were like right now, we know what you're struggling, we can help you, but we need to do it lunchtime or after school club just can help you, but we need to do it outside lunch time or after school club just to help you out. Unless head teacher finds out or anyone finds out, it could be off-com. Off-com will be involved or stay.

Speaker 2 26:59

Wow, because they didn't cover because they didn't take care of you when they needed to and they probably were not paying attention no to what they were needing to pay attention to. So at what age did they find out you were dys? No, okay, what's?

Speaker 3 27:12

wrong, don't worry, don't worry. Don't worry about it. And then, from college it was doing, got the diagnosis that I want, that they wanted, got the help I needed. Yeah.

Speaker 3 27:39

And then there was on a yellow overlay with blue writing or yellow overlay with black writing what I could read on properly, and then it was like yep can do that, or bigger font, and then that was somehow helping me out. And then I wanted to do catering. I wanted to do catering at college, but I did that through college. The next year I've got a sore in my foot, don't worry.

Speaker 2 28:26

You can have a sip of water.

Speaker 3 28:27

I'm going to have my water as well and then from the college I did a whole year of learning what I wanted to do like you could do bricklaying or any different courses out there so you can have a little taste taste assessments yeah. And then found out what I'm good at, like my music and my ict and cooking side because I'm getting taught catering through secrets, yeah, so I knew I'm going to be good at catering.

Speaker 2 29:02

In college.

Speaker 3 29:02

I'm going to be good at ICT skills or music side.

Speaker 2 29:07

Yeah.

Speaker 3 29:13

What did you like most in catering? Going to Sea Cadets, I was going to like HMS Bristol down in Portsmouth Navy Base where you're meeting the admirals and the high people and the sea cadets. Yeah. You do catering side.

Speaker 2 29:30

You were cooking for them. Yeah, oh, what were you cooking? Things like what.

Speaker 3 29:35

I don't know, loads of different foods available, like roast dinners or what you normally get in a restaurant, but more like a four star hotel sort of standard instead of a two star hotel restaurant so can you still remember all of that?

Finding Support and Pursuing Passions

Speaker 3 29:59

still remember some of the sidebar, but no, I left secret. It's like Still remember some of the sidebar, but no, I left secret. It's like I can go back, but I can just help out when needed. Okay, because once you reach the age of 18, you become an adult, and I made friends through secrets in my old age group and some lower.

Speaker 3 30:28

I couldn't. I struggled from being a child to an adult straight away and I couldn't adapt to being like distance from children and adults. They wanted me to stay with the adults because I'm 18, okay, but part of me wanted to be with the children, with the children because I made friends with them. So we decided you will struggle carrying on because you can't cope, because your health, your arm with your brain, everything else you will struggle with the adults with the adult side and we decided to me to leave.

Speaker 3 31:15

CKS but I carried on supporting them, helping them out with the websites or videos or the music. So I carried on doing my skills, what I got taught, and then that's how I kind of still helping them out in the secret.

Speaker 2 31:32

You still help them with the secret Sometimes, sometimes, okay, so how did you this DJing thing?

Speaker 3 31:51

Such a big dj at college. I don't know, I think it started at school yeah they play music and then got people dancing. I thought like this sort of thing.

Speaker 2 32:02

Did you make more friends through your DJing? Did you make friends?

Speaker 3 32:06

that way do you think? I don't really know. It just came out hit and miss. Okay. It was good, but I just I don't really know. And then through the college I did catering. And then Through the college I did catering and they were showing my skills. Like you get Going to like a bottom set in college, find out what skill level you are and then if you're good at that Course, they move you up, stay on the same course, but you'll be more advanced than beginners. Yeah.

Speaker 3 32:48

But I knew most of the skills already, mm-hmm. So I was like chopping up and they've shown them how to chop up, but I really knew how to chop up and do all them sort of things. Yeah, it's about how did you get talked? I went through secret so I went is it an NVQ level? Went, no, it's an O, is a something they use O, a, o, l, that level okay, I don't know that one, but we use NVQ.

Speaker 2 33:24

Okay, NVQ skill.

Speaker 3 33:26

NVQ skills, but they use QCQ. Okay, I think.

Speaker 2 33:31

City, oh, city and Guild. City and Guild, oh, City and Guild.

Speaker 3 33:35

But we use in secret NVQ. Oh okay, completely different, but it's on the same level but it's named different. But different bodies really different bodies but same qualification. One's more taught you more information than college. You get taught less information but more practical, more practical than less writing.

Speaker 3 34:02

Where more practical, more practical than less writing okay where college is more writing less, less practical stuff okay so I knew all my skills and then the teacher went to me how do you know all these skills? I went through secret, but you don't get taught these skills. Yeah, I mean you do in secret. It's a completely different. Yeah, secrets are more hands-on than college it's more. You're writing a lot and you don't want to do that when I'm more hands yeah, I'm more hands-on doing things than the sitting in the classroom doing nothing doing the theoretical side of it.

Speaker 2 34:45

So do you think that people have treated you differently over the years? Yeah, in what way?

Speaker 3 34:53

I think they didn't understand where I was coming from and I was like wait, I want to say, right, I need this support, I need this support, I need this help. Can you help me? Yeah, I will help you one minute.

Speaker 3 35:07

I will help you one minute half an hour time. Oh, did you do that work went? No, been asking for help, but I've been asking for the help for a half half an hour to understand that lesson. Yeah, and I took the coursework for doing catering to my mom, who's a qualified chef, okay, and she worked in the man I don't know. Basically she did it through college and prison like catering courses, so she's quite, quite high up in the catering side. And so my mum went you've done all that through secret arts, that's it.

Speaker 3 35:47

He just named it completely worded differently okay and then I mum spoken to the teacher who I've come along an adult yeah, you can teach the cadets what you learned. Okay, the younger ones, younger ones. So I was kind of teaching them still. And then the um sarah, the teacher was called went you've done that in your secret arts. I went, yeah, she went, can you just take that off? I went yeah, that's my do-all. I went, don't go back to college. She went my completed the course.

Speaker 2 36:31

Oh.

Speaker 3 36:31

Because it's worded different in college than secret arts. It kind of merged together Okay. And it was like, okay, that's kind of why I'm getting confused on doing things, but I already had the qualification through cclx. But cclx one did no difficult. Well, you do get difficult, but it's the wrong sort of language where college, if you want to take get a job you got it?

Speaker 2 37:03

yeah, the college qualification they the job site.

Speaker 3 37:06

People take the course from colleges or schools where they don't see the secrets.

Speaker 2 37:12

It's a completely different organization so one is mvq and the other one was city sitting guide and girls.

Speaker 3 37:22

But then from that it was completely different.

Speaker 2 37:26

So what are the things that you struggle with the most People?

Speaker 3 37:31

understand me and realise actually we've made a mistake.

Speaker 2 37:37

Okay, how do you mean?

Speaker 3 37:39

It's like I was trying to do all my work and like make friends, and then realise actually you, just you got all the skills that were needed, but actually we couldn't support that person, couldn't support me because of the way I was. And then the college tried to. The college said right, we'll take you to the doctors, we can get you support, but we still needed the diagnosis of your autism. And then back and forward to doctors. Doctors went yeah, right, we'll take you to london, back into london, back to craigford, back to london, craigford, london, croydon, london, croydon, everywhere it was like really.

Speaker 3 38:40

And then they went you've got a high child function and then a low adults skill. Okay, so I was right in the middle of the borderline okay and then it was like so, so we've sent that to college. Colleagues went yeah, we need to transfer you to another college, but I wanted to do another. That the second part of the course. Okay.

Speaker 3 39:04

Just to get the qualification that the college wanted me to get, but not a secret. But I got it through the secret. But wanted it from, yeah, from college side as well, saying got the proof, yeah, but the college went, we're going to transfer you to another college where we think it's going to be better for you. Then they transferred me to K college in Tunbridge. K college it used to call West Kent college, tunbridge, ashford and Dartford. Yeah.

Speaker 3 39:44

And then they changed it to K College, mm-hmm, I don't know why. Instead of West Kent College, they called it K.

Speaker 2 39:51

College Sounds a bit odd.

Speaker 3 39:55

And then from that it was like I did ICT. And then from that I went yeah, yeah, we can see you got dyslexia. We can see you got problem with your autism. We can't support you in autism way, we can't get you this funding that you're needing, but we can help you in our departments. But I came out with BTEC, first diploma in ICT what was qualified or equivalent as an A star.

Speaker 3 40:28

Oh, but at school I got a D, so where the A star coming? It's like, yeah, I should have got an A star in ICT at school, but it should have been better. I found, found out beta was higher than GCC.

Speaker 2 40:43

Yeah, that's good, well done. So how did you eventually get this diagnosis? When did it eventually happen?

Speaker 3 40:55

It was under Porchlight. Porchlight is a from doctors. Porchlight Porchlight is a From doctors. Doctors sent me over to it's somehow helping people to work. Like volunteering. Okay, I don't really know what it's actually. Porchlight I don't really know what's the actual port's light. It's working with young people. I'm on their website, portlightorguk. Portlight is working towards a fair sociality where everybody has a safe place to call home and helping people and frontier okay.

Speaker 3 41:49

So I was wanting to get myself out of the house and volunteering like youth groups or no cafes where I got my skills, what I wanted to do in life, that final job and Porchlight was a place where, right, we're going to get you to do some volunteering in a cafe. So we went to a cafe. Actually, we can't have you because the cafe is too small but can I just pick them up? Yeah, you can, but you won't be able to go behind the canteen to do that sort of ride. Then I tried working in Asda. As the Asda said yeah, we'll take you on, but you need to get the diagnosis.

Speaker 3 42:39

So I tried every single place yeah they went nope, you need to get the diagnosis. Nope, you need to get the diagnosis. And then the porch light went, of course, back to Frontier in Wycoach swimming pool okay and then the lockdown turned up oh the dreaded lockdown yeah and I struggled to. It took a hard time with me to go. Can I go out? Nope. Can I go out? Nope. So I struggled with the changes and everything. I couldn't cope with it.

Speaker 3 43:17

I had a big, massive breakdown and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was under the mental health team. I was trying to get the help I needed, but it was difficult to get the help. But there was two doctors who helped me out, but they were trying to take me all to Dartford mental health team. Yeah, we can take you, but you're not that sort of person to get the help that you need. Okay, but it was hard.

Speaker 2 44:04

How did you get out of it? How did you, how did you Keep on going?

Speaker 3 44:08

back to the doctors and doctors saying what's actually going on? Right, take me back to mental health team. Nope, can't help you. Nope. Back to the doctors, back to mental health team. Back to doctors, back to mental health team.

Speaker 2 44:21

It must have been frustrating.

Speaker 3 44:23

Until Paul's like. So actually there is something going on. We need to get involved here, but we can't do it because we haven't got funding for it. But this particular person called Laura. She stepped out of her work zone and gone to like a friend zone with us. Like think about me working. I'm not working, but I'm going to support you at all work just to get your diagnosis. And then through that she went right. Think of the clouds you've got four clouds. You've got a dark cloud. You've got a clouds. You've got four clouds. You've got a dark cloud. You've got a light cloud. You've got a white cloud. You've got a clear cloud. So what sort? Of cloud. Do you need?

Speaker 3 45:11

to get out. I went the black cloud I went. Why it's dark. Everyone's saying I've got autism, some people are saying I've not got autism. Some people are saying I autism, some people saying I have, some people saying I haven't, some people saying I have. I just want clarified, saying I have got it or I've not got it. So I just went right, give a call to the doctors. Doctors yes, we can do it, but it's going to cost money if you go privately, so we can get it, but if you don't get it, you've got to pay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 45:46

And then, okay, we'll do it like that. And then the doctors went Actually, yeah, we made a mistake he got the diagnosis and then the paperwork all went to Canterbury yeah. Canterbury rang mum saying do you want Alex to go to Canterbury to see this person? And Laura said it's up to you. You could do it over Zoom or you could do it face to face. Yeah, and we went. If I go face to face I'd probably be nervous, scared yeah anxiety and if I do at home, I feel more relaxed.

Speaker 3 46:36

And then the person on the call said I don't know why, I don't know how long it's taken, but it's this you'd have done since you were a child. You got diagnosed. Nobody saw it. Nobody saw all the jigsaws adding up. Nobody was actually clicking the dots and dotting any I's.

Speaker 2 46:57

It's a shame that they've missed this from when you were young, because you would have had all the support.

Speaker 3 47:02

All the support I needed and I wouldn't be yeah, I'd be where I am, but I wouldn't be like this or be more.

Speaker 2 47:13

All things work together for good. That's what the Bible tells us. So we thank God for where you are now and you're doing well, you're progressing, you're a DJ, you're my Headstone, you help me with all my IT stuff and everything, so I'm really really grateful for that.

Speaker 3 47:33

And I've been helping out Ben. Yes, yeah, you want to talk about that he's helped me out through when my nan passed away. I was very, very strong connected with my nan. I saw my nan.

Speaker 3 47:49

Cooper. I saw my nan every single day Through school, through college, ringing her through school, through college, bringing her, and then, when nan passed away, ben said actually, why don't you come here? I could do, I could do your counselling for you. Yeah, be your guidance, yeah. And then he went what sort of skills you're good at? I went I'm good at ict skills, editing. I went what sort of skills you're good at? I went I'm good at ict skills. As I went, got some job for you, right, what's that? Uh, can you do some editing for me?

Speaker 3 48:24

I went yeah, okay, I went, actually make it full time so I've been doing always editing for facebook youtube pages and stuff these podcasting videos that you see every single time, every time On Facebook and on YouTube for the church and any other platforms. And there are other people going to the podcast room. Yeah, they find this room a safe space.

Overcoming Challenges and Seeking Independence

Speaker 2 48:52

A safe space. A safe space, you kind of your sanctuary, and that's good. At least you have a place that you find a safe space, a safe space kind of your sanctuary, and that's good. At least you have a place that you find a safe space. We have actually come to the end, almost the end of our show, but before we go I just wanted to ask you one question how do you think that people can help those who have autism? You know many of us don't know how to relate to people who have autism or maybe are on the spectrum somewhere or have a neurodivergent um situation. How would you somebody, from your perspective as a person living with autism, how would you say we can help people with autism? You know what kind of things would be helpful um, I don't really know.

Speaker 3 49:39

Just see where they're struggling, just give them guidance and, yeah, help in a way they can understand. Yeah, and if they haven't got it diagnosed, see, you can help them get the diagnosis and support them. To say, actually, I'm seeing it from a different view. Yeah. Where a person could say actually no, he hasn't got it, and then four people say actually he has got it. One versus four. Who will win? It'd be four persons say actually he got it, but let's support him to get the diagnosis.

Speaker 2 50:17

That's really really good. So what are the things that you find frustrating and challenging?

Speaker 3 50:28

frustrating where I struggle. I struggle making friends and doing things I'm trying to. Not I'm trying to. I've got a car, but I'm trying to pass my theory test. Okay, but I know the answers, but when I go to the theory place, it's go to barbados or go somewhere without me. So I get very nervous and okay very scared is that so far it's taken me 15 times to try and pass my theory test and I struggle and I need some help.

Speaker 2 51:08

I need some guidance yeah, I just wonder if there's anything out there to help people we tried apps, we tried like group pages and we tried like contacting those driving instructors.

Speaker 3 51:28

But they're saying, oh, look on YouTube page, look on watch the Facebook page, watch the YouTube page. It's like, yeah, I'm watching it, but I need to understand it.

Speaker 2 51:37

I need the one-to-one support yeah, I don't know if there's anything for one-to-one support for theory when I go to.

Speaker 3 51:46

To be honest, it's like when I go to the theory place yeah I get put into a room with the examiner yeah and then they press the button. They can read the questions, but they can't explain the questions. Yeah. You only can read the question what's on the screen? That's it Okay.

Speaker 2 52:05

So I'm trying to explain the answer, so they get you a reader.

Speaker 3 52:10

Reader.

Speaker 2 52:11

Okay.

Speaker 3 52:12

But they read the question, then I've got to say it's that one. I can't explain the answer or explain my theory around it, because someone else could be listening okay and then I'm sometimes like two marks away or one mark away okay three marks away that must be really frustrating.

Speaker 2 52:36

I get that.

Speaker 3 52:37

And it's like I know the answers but it goes somewhere.

Speaker 2 52:42

So do you think it would be better for you if you were in a room by yourself with a reader, and then maybe that could?

Speaker 3 52:50

help Explaining.

Speaker 2 52:51

And an examiner who would observe yourself and the reader, and then maybe that could help.

Speaker 3 52:56

It's like when I did my driving lessons. The driving lesson driving instructor taught me swimming, so he knew how to deal with my old like he knew I got autism but his son had it as well, because I was friends with his son, okay, and he knew how to deal with me.

Speaker 3 53:18

Okay, way before me got the diagnosis okay so he knew he sent him up, he got autism. He got autism. And then mum said I know he got it, but we need the diagnosis, diagnosis. And then he went right, I can teach Some Driving, I can teach him Different ways Of driving, and it's up to him what method he want to do it. Okay.

Speaker 3 53:46

So I did a driving. He went. Don't know what's wrong With your driving. You'll pass a driving First up First With a couple of minors, but You'll pass it yeah, but. It's just your theory, the theory With a couple of minors, but You're past it, yeah, but it's just your theory, the theory. If you get past your theory.

Speaker 2 54:03

The rest of this will be easy.

Speaker 3 54:04

The rest will be easy, just so I can get over one hurdle. Yeah. But I can't get over.

Speaker 2 54:11

Another one yeah.

Speaker 3 54:13

And I'm stuck and I want to Get over it.

Speaker 2 54:17

I wonder if there was something, maybe you could write to the driving. I don't know the people who organise the driving test and all of that. Have you tried that?

Speaker 3 54:26

Tried everything, I went oh, we're going to stick you in a room where someone could explain the read the questions, and it's there's something in it. Yeah, but you can't explain it. So what you need, and it's there's something in it, yeah.

Speaker 2 54:39

But, you can't Explain it, so what but?

Speaker 3 54:40

if it went, what you need If it went Old Ages ago, where you get taught In the car and you Get asked a couple of questions In the car. Okay, like the old, old syllabus. Okay, if I get that way, then yes. Okay, so that will be fine Okay.

Speaker 2 54:58

So I get that way. Then, yes, okay, that will be fine.

Speaker 3 54:59

Okay, so I get what you're trying to say, because it's new Because it's like they want it in a room Clicking buttons on the computer. Yeah. Yes, I know the answers, but it will take me a longer time To click the buttons.

Speaker 2 55:15

Click the buttons because I'm not comfort, I'm not in my comfort, so maybe you what you need is a reader and a writer to help you. Yeah, so maybe what you should do is probably write to the, the driving people and ask them if they could provide you not just with a reader, but with a writing. Just keep pushing, no, keep pushing.

Speaker 3 55:35

Maybe get your. I tried like doing like learning, schools and everything. Yeah. And they're saying if you pass your theory test, then you'll be fine. Yeah. But some of the questions are now changed into different words, but it's still the same questions, same questions. It's like first aid, why? Why do you need first aid in the car? Yeah, I know you need it, but dealing with shock in the car, all of them sort of bits, it's like I know the answers I can explain the answers yeah but it's even the examiners as coordinating Reading it on the screen.

Speaker 3 56:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 56:20

Pressing the buttons and all of that.

Speaker 3 56:22

Even we tried a scriber and a reader. Yeah, and she went. You know the answer. But You're telling me To click on that one. But you're explaining the answer. You've not got the right Word. You can explain it, perfect, perfectly, but you can't.

Speaker 2 56:42

It's B, not A there's a bit of a I don't know what the word is there's a bit of a disconnect somewhere. Yeah, well, I guess we just have to keep looking, trying to see how you can get over that one. What else? And then, well, I guess we just have to keep looking, trying to see how you can get over that one. Yeah, what else? What other?

Speaker 3 57:00

frustrations, and then just my theory. Just when I get my theory out of the way, yeah. Once I get my theory out of the way, I can do loads of bookings for my DJing. Yeah. Because always I've got to rely on my mum or my mum's friend to take me to my DJing side. Yeah, mum's friend to take me to my. Djing inside? Yeah, or because when I got, I used to go on holiday with my nan a lot, yeah, and called um Alpha Travels.

Speaker 3 57:28

It's a coach holiday firm, yeah, where they pick you up in Dartford, take you to South Mims where you could be on your feeder coat, your tall coats, and then you go, like on holiday, different destinations for seven days and then they take you back to your pickup point yeah but I'm relying on mum abby what's abby? Abby's mum's best friend, okay, her partner, or now and then, if you can take me sometimes, but I don't want to rely on them.

Speaker 2 58:04

Yeah, you want to be able to, but I want to do it independently.

Speaker 3 58:07

But I got to ask for help. But I don't want to ask for help, but I've got to yeah. I don't want to be feel weak, but I am it's.

Speaker 2 58:18

It's not about feeling weak. Some, we all need help. Everybody needs help in different areas in their lives. So it's if you need the help, well, ask for it, don't be shy to ask for it until a time when you can then do it on your own.

Speaker 3 58:31

Just keep asking for the help it's like I'm in contact with my cousin more, who's a radio DJ. Okay. And I went to the studio there and then he showed me all the equipment and like what to press, what to put? Oh, that might be a good way of me doing radio side of my music.

Speaker 3 59:00

Yeah, oh, that might be a good way of me doing like radio side with my music, yeah. And then from that it's like yep, yeah, we'll get you dj equipment we're gonna buy yourself. So he bought me some um pioneer cdjs so I started like djing with him and then he went I can do that booking for you, I could do that booking. It's like, okay, that's how big I play it. And then all of a sudden I'm getting bookings left, right and center that's good keep my saturdays busy busy, some fridays busy as well that's good.

Speaker 2 59:30

That's good, yeah, okay, um, my next question what was it? Yeah, so yeah, I think you've even touched on it. How much support do you require from friends and family?

Speaker 3 59:41

A lot at the moment. At the moment, a lot, but it's like I can do it. But it will take me four hours to get it right when it needs to be done in two hours.

Speaker 2 59:55

Give me an example.

Speaker 3 59:57

It's like trying to get my contract sorted with my phone. Okay. I want it done straight away? Yeah, but it would take me four hours to find the right phone or the right one for me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 1:00:14

But it should be done two hours ago. Okay, it's like in a sports direct finding like trainers yeah I like loads of trainers, but I want to find the right one for me before the shop sucked. Sometimes we ask the shop manager because we're known in some of the, in some of these sports, it's like we do it before closing time. Okay, but if they're closed I'm more relaxed and find what ones I like instead of loads of people around me, around you. Okay, it's a bit of a rust, but if it's like quiet.

Speaker 3 1:00:55

I can take my time. I like them ones. I like them ones, but I like them ones more instead of them trainers. Can I get them trainers instead of them ones?

Speaker 2 1:01:07

ok, so you just want a quieter environment where you can make your decisions. Ok, anything else?

Speaker 3 1:01:17

I got an access card now. Okay. It helps. It will help me out when going places, but I could have a support person that would come on the journey with me and support me if I get stuck. Okay, to say right, do you want to go to London for a day? Just to like a bit too busy, but let's go somewhere quieter. Quieter. To like go on the trains.

Speaker 2 1:01:49

So how do you find the shops at this time of the year or when it's busy in the shops? How do you deal with that?

Speaker 3 1:01:56

or when it's busy in the shops. How do you deal with that? Sometimes we go like tea time, like 5 o'clock. Okay. So we're new. It's people coming, going to work, going home. Yeah.

Speaker 3 1:02:09

So we're new, like home sort of times. Okay, like lockdown, we started lifting up In Ikea. Know like 5pm People will be going home from work, you know 5pm, it could be a sort of time. It would be quieter, or like 7pm 6pm it could be quieter, where people will be going home, instead of 9 till 3. You know it could be Busy times.

Speaker 2 1:02:39

I also wanted to ask you you're in a relationship. How did that happen? You don't want to talk about that one. Okay, one led to another, I know, to another.

Speaker 3 1:02:53

One led to another, one led to another One led to another, one led to another One led to another, one led to another, one led to another, one led to another One led to another, one led to another, one led to another, one led to another, one led to another, one led to another.

Speaker 2 1:03:12

One led to another One led to another One led to another, one led to another, one led to another. Alright, then, thank you so much, and we always end this show, as you know, on a note of hope. So what would you say to people out there, somebody who's maybe going through autism, or somebody who's?

Speaker 3 1:03:30

follow your heart that's your slogan follow your heart. Follow your heart, not your head follow your heart, Follow your heart.

Speaker 2 1:03:39

Follow your heart, not your head. Okay, so follow your heart not your head.

Speaker 3 1:03:42

That's believing in yourself and trust yourself.

Speaker 2 1:03:44

Trust yourself, believe in yourself, know that you're able to achieve whatever you want to achieve and just keep at it. Keep going, walk hard at it and you'll get there. Woo, thank you so much. I don't know where the time went, but thank you so much. I don't know where the time went, but thank you so much, alex, for coming on the show.

Speaker 3 1:04:01

Hopefully we'll see you again sometime soon not in the background, but I could help you out on some of the podcasts and see you can file.

Speaker 2 1:04:08

Do some quick following questions away yes, yes and um yes, we're gonna put your the link to your DJ business on the podcast today. Anybody wants to hire you for any DJ sessions. They can always reach out to you.

Speaker 3 1:04:24

Yes.

Speaker 2 1:04:24

Yes, okay, so we're going to do that.

Speaker 3 1:04:26

And if they want any podcast, they know where to go. Yes, like, support and subscribe.

Speaker 2 1:04:32

Subscribe yes.

Speaker 3 1:04:33

Even to the YouTube channel.

Speaker 2 1:04:35

Yes, that's true. Like and subscribe to Navigating the Chapters of Challenge. Take care, thank you very much for listening to another episode of Navigating the Chapters of Challenge and we hope to see you again or to have you with us again sometime soon. Take care, god bless and bye-bye.

Speaker 3 1:04:52

Bye.