Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele

Swiping Right with Purpose: How Ayomide & Jacob Found Love Online

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In this insightful episode, Ayomide and Jacob share their inspiring journey from meeting online to walking down the aisle. They delve into the realities of online dating, offering a Christian perspective on navigating the digital dating world with intention and faith.

Key Discussion Points:

  • Online Dating in the Modern Age: Ayomide and Jacob discuss the growing acceptance of online dating, particularly within Christian communities, and how it can be a viable path to finding a meaningful relationship.
  • Meeting Online, Marrying for Life: Hear the heart-warming story of how they met online, their courtship journey, and how they knew they were meant to be together.
  • Intentional Dating: The couple emphasizes the importance of dating with intention—knowing what you want in a partner and relationship, and not settling for less.
  • Safety in Online Dating: They share practical tips and safeguards they put in place to protect themselves while dating online, ensuring their interactions were safe and aligned with their values.
  • Breaking the Stigma: Ayomide and Jacob encourage listeners to embrace online dating as a legitimate way to meet potential partners, urging them to step out in faith and not let fear hold them back.
  • Christian Perspective: The discussion also highlights the Christian approach to online dating, focusing on maintaining integrity, staying true to your faith, and seeking God’s guidance in the process.

Whether you're new to online dating or considering giving it a try, this episode provides valuable insights and encouragement. Tune in to hear how Ayomide and Jacob turned a digital connection into a lifelong commitment.

Keywords: Online dating, intentional dating, Christian online dating, dating with intention, online dating safety, finding love online

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SPEAKER_01:

So,

SPEAKER_03:

Hello and welcome to Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tele. Today I've got Ayomide and Jacob in the house with me and I'm expecting us to have lots of fun today in the house because we have an interesting topic to discuss today. So I'm going to ask Ayomide to first of all introduce herself and I'll ask Jacob to introduce himself. So Ayomide, say hello to everyone.

SPEAKER_02:

Hello everyone, my name is Ayomide. Pleasure to be here today. Thank you. And Jacob?

SPEAKER_00:

Hi, my name is Jacob. Thank you for having me today and I hope we have A great time.

SPEAKER_03:

per se. Apparently, the shepherds... As far back as medieval times, the shepherds actually used to do something similar to online dating. They used to write something on the tree. They put a sign on the tree to say, I'll be back at so-and-so time. So if anybody's interested in meeting me, come round and hang by the tree. And then they would come round and hang by the tree, whoever wanted to meet them. If the person was somebody they liked, they would go up to the person and talk to the person. But if it was somebody they didn't like, they'd just walk past the tree and just like swiping. I just thought we'll start with that. And I thought, oh, what a funny story. But anyway, Ayemide, can I start with you? What made you think of going online?

SPEAKER_02:

For me, it was just another form of meeting someone or another avenue to meet someone, really. It was something that I guess was something that I suppose... It

SPEAKER_03:

was just a normal thing to

SPEAKER_02:

do. Exactly. Okay. It became a norm. It became a norm, okay. So I thought, why not be open to it? Okay. So, yeah. Okay. It's just another avenue to meet someone.

SPEAKER_03:

To meet someone, okay. Out of the ordinary, yeah. Okay. Jacob, what about you? What made you think about online?

SPEAKER_00:

For me, funny enough, I was introduced to online dating from a friend. Okay. It wasn't something I will... typically go down the line to do i'll usually will be through a traditional route of meeting someone face to face yeah um and just really speaking with them

SPEAKER_01:

yeah

SPEAKER_00:

but for me i just became open because i've been seeking for a wife so with the intent of seeking for a wife i was open to the idea of going online for dating so you know i guess That's my reasons.

SPEAKER_03:

That's your reason for doing it. It's strange because your generation is so different from our generation. Our generation would be like, ah, online, what? Yeah. Did you ever come across anything like that? Did anybody say that to you? Why online?

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, no. I think our generation, you know, is something that it started off as something new. Okay. And I guess our generation are a bit inquisitive. You know, they're kind of, what's the latest thing out there? You know, they're really intrigued about new things. So, yeah, it's just, I guess it was the norm. But for me, because I've been raised in a traditional home, usually you will be out there looking for your wife face to face or just... mingling with, you know, your community and finding your partner that way.

SPEAKER_03:

That way. Yeah. Okay. So nobody, there was no, nobody said, oh, this is weird.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, no, no, not at all,

SPEAKER_03:

not

SPEAKER_00:

at all. I think. Go on. Yeah, I think, I guess people, With the times now, so I don't think it's, yeah, it's a strange thing.

SPEAKER_03:

Including your parents? They didn't

SPEAKER_00:

say anything? No, my parents were fine with it. Okay, that's brilliant. Yeah, my parents were okay with it.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, your parents are forward-looking parents. What about you, Ayomide? Did you have any resistance from your end?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I mean, when I spoke to my friends about it, they were more so intrigued on what my experiences were with online dating and... Yeah, I suppose in the world of social media, which is basically, I suppose, doing everything online. So online dating naturally also became a way to date someone or to meet someone rather. So, yeah, I didn't really have any resistance. And I suppose from our story, my mum has... encouraged her friends and um friends children to just consider it as an avenue so yes as

SPEAKER_03:

an avenue to try yeah okay so how did you set up your how did you set up your page

SPEAKER_02:

i'm getting

SPEAKER_03:

personal

SPEAKER_02:

now to be honest i was just honest on my profile i'm even trying to think back as to what was on my profile but i know i did put you know my age um the fact that i'm a christian uh what my interests were, pictures of myself. So just the normal things, really.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. So what do you think you put on there that caught his eye?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, actually, I liked one of his photos. Okay. Oh, you liked his photos first. Okay. Yeah, which was a quote that he put up. So I liked his photo. And then from then, well, that was my prompt for him to start the conversation. Okay. And then he, yeah. He reached out and then we were able to kind of speak from there. Okay. So how did you set up

SPEAKER_03:

your profile? How did you know you were going to put a picture that somebody would be like, hey, I like this

SPEAKER_00:

one. For me, as I said, my friend introduced me to online dating. Yeah. And I was at a stage in my life I'm looking for, well, I've always been looking for something serious. Okay. So it was just a point of safeguarding for myself. Okay. With the intent to know that Whoever sees my profile, they will know that I'm a Christian

SPEAKER_03:

and

SPEAKER_00:

they will know that it is with intent that I'm looking for something serious. So on my profile, I think it said that serve God in a way that you were known from the Bible instead of how you think you know God. So I guess for me, The importance of having a close relationship with God is very important. And if I'm going to marry someone who, you know, who also has God at the forefront of their life. So I felt that was very important for me to put out there. And just to know that I'm not here to waste time or play games. So,

SPEAKER_03:

yeah. Okay. So how did you choose the picture? Because you obviously chose a picture that was like, yeah,

SPEAKER_00:

a winning one. It was... I think over a period of time during my life, I've always kind of saved quotes. Okay. So let's say, for example, I'm reading a Bible, you know, or I come across a quote that speaks to me personally in my walk with God. I just save it. I screen save it and I can always go back to it. Yeah. So I guess for me, the reason why I put that out there, I guess I've met different people. Yeah. different Christians and sometimes you may go naively oh we're a Christian you know we have the same beliefs we have the same faith and sometimes there's just different denominations out there and you may have different views so I guess for me to kind of put that out there is just to kind of use it also as a avenue to kind of understand their beliefs and our values so I'm already from the gate already trying to understand who they are yes so I guess that's my reasons behind putting that picture

SPEAKER_03:

up so how did you know it wasn't a fake yeah because anybody can say I'm a Christian anybody can go online and pick up any quote from anywhere and just put it there so how did you know that this one was for real how did you know the IMD

SPEAKER_02:

from speaking to him through our conversations I asked Several questions. Okay. You know, his attendance at church, just his biblical knowledge. I asked just the way that he lived his life, I was able to kind of suss out, is he just professing to be a Christian or is he walking as a Christian? So that's how I was able to kind of see. And the way that he spoke, what he chose to speak about and... Yeah, that really helped in knowing what his intentions

SPEAKER_03:

were. Okay, so you were able to suss that out immediately. How did you know that this was the one?

SPEAKER_00:

Over a period of time, I've been praying for a wife, and I was very specific in my prayers with what I wanted in my wife. And over a period of time, as she said, questioning each other, talking about various different topics from family issues to God, to, you know, just our personal life experiences, just understanding the dynamics of our life, you know, just a daily walk with God and things and kind of always going back to the Word of God and, you know, aligning it just to know, okay, is this what I prayed for? Am I seeing the manifestation of what I prayed for? And when I started seeing a manifestation of what I prayed for, I knew, okay, we're along the right tracks here. So, yeah, that's how I was able to To pick

SPEAKER_03:

up. To pick up, yeah. So did you guys meet up soon after she liked your picture?

SPEAKER_00:

I think we had maybe about, if I can remember, two or three conversations. I asked for her number and I think we then, I can't really remember, but I think we then, not too shortly after, went on a date. Okay. And then we went on our first date, got to know each other a bit more. And then shortly after that, we went... on a second date, which he organised. And then it just went on from there. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So do you remember the details of the first date?

SPEAKER_00:

The first date, if I can remember the details, I remember what she was wearing.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

UNKNOWN:

Oh, that's good. That's good.

SPEAKER_00:

She wasn't wearing

SPEAKER_03:

something that really stood out. Yeah, I remember what she was wearing. What was she

SPEAKER_00:

wearing? She was wearing a pink top.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Black. Jeans, suede boots. Oh, wow. And she had a pixie cut. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_03:

I hope you remember what he was wearing, otherwise you're in trouble. What was he wearing

SPEAKER_02:

then? He was wearing a white shirt, black jeans. Yeah. And I think you had like a side bag on that you had that day and a black coat.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_03:

You guys went there with intention, really. So what did you talk about on the first date? I mean, you'd already spoken, you'd had two or three conversations before meeting up in real life. First of all, where your expectations met when you met each other physically? And what did you talk about? Because sometimes some people put pictures and then they also pretend to be who they're not or over the phone and then you meet them in real life and you're thinking, this is not possible.

SPEAKER_00:

My expectation, yes, it was met. I think we spoke about, I think, yeah, we spoke about God, we spoke about music. I think, yeah, we didn't really agree on the music side of things. Why? I think for me, because... Again, it comes down to the denomination thing. So I was attending... Well, we still do attend Baptists. Okay. So I was attending Baptists and it's strictly mainly hymns. Okay. So it's not really any like... Gospel songs. Gospel songs per se. It's just more or less strictly hymns at Glorify. Okay. For me, I was just more or less, okay, hymns, hymns, hymns, hymns, hymns. And she was like, oh, okay, hymns. Like, what about other, you know, gospel music and stuff? And I think we was, I was reading, I can't remember what scripture I was reading, but it's saying we should praise God with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs making melody in our hearts and for me I was just so stuck on the hymns and she was like there's all the gospel songs and stuff like that so I think for me personally it was a conviction of where I just wanted to keep away secular music out of my life so I guess that's why I was so stuck on that but also I'm also a person that can compromise and see and understand because I don't know it all. So I guess we're able to get past that hurdle and just have the willingness to learn and understand each other. So yeah, that was it.

SPEAKER_03:

So do you listen to other gospel songs now?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_03:

You want that one? So what stuck out to you in the first conversation that you had with Jacob? What was it that really, really stuck out to you?

SPEAKER_02:

For me it was his seriousness about God and the way he wanted to live his life in a Christian way. And having met people before, it's not always the first topic of conversation or it can get very contentious very quickly. So when we had the conversation and we were able to disagree but still agree, I thought, well, we're able to... work together or were able to settle in a disagreement yeah um and so for me it was yeah maybe we'll be able to get through things and we'll see how we'll see how it goes from here after the first day of course i wasn't too sure because i know that was a contentious point but after speaking um subsequent to the date i was able to think well we were able to move forward so Let's have a second date and see how it goes from there.

SPEAKER_03:

And he said earlier that you organized the second date. So what made you organize the second date? Because a lot of girls like to feel like the man has to do everything. It's the man's duty to organize the date, take you out, do everything, drive you around, do this and that and the other, which is for me, I don't think that's the way it should be. I think it should be balanced. Everybody has a part to play. So what made you think that you should organize the second date? We

SPEAKER_02:

He spoke after the first date. I think at the time I was looking for a car. So Jacob helped me a lot with looking for a car. Okay. And not really as a way of a reward, but more so, oh. Oh, he did something nice. Yeah, he did something nice. He didn't have to. He really took out his time. And let's just, let's have a, let me just organize a second date and see how that goes. So that's why I decided to. To go ahead and organise it, yeah. So what

SPEAKER_03:

did you organise?

SPEAKER_02:

We went to a comedy show. Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_03:

Nice,

SPEAKER_02:

okay. That was interesting. So after having a first date and having a point of contention, we're like, we need to laugh.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's laugh together. Let's find something to laugh about. What comedy show did you go to? Do you remember? It was

SPEAKER_00:

called The Laughing... Yeah, The Laughing Cheaters or The Laughing Leopard. Yeah, The Laughing Leopard.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Never heard of that one. Okay, and it was really good, was it? Yeah, it was good. Okay, okay. So do you like hymns now?

SPEAKER_02:

I do. It's grown on me. It's grown on you. Honestly, it's not something... Like, hymns haven't been, I guess, a genre that I have grown up with. And so it did take a lot of adjusting. Yeah. But yeah,

SPEAKER_03:

I'm open. And I think that's what it is in relationships, really. It's being able to be open to each other's views, listening to one another and being able to compromise, like you said, Jacob, and just find a way to get along, even when there are sticking points that are difficult to see through. But you find a way. to walk through it and get along. So I wanted to ask about the church community, the Christian community. Why is it that in the church, it used to be, okay, I don't know if it's still the same, but they used to frown on online dating. And I was reading something yesterday and the person was saying online dating is not for Christians. Christians shouldn't be doing that. Why is that the case? Why do you think that is the case?

SPEAKER_00:

I think, in my opinion, the case is that Christians, I think they come from a point of view where, as a believer, they don't want you to be unequally yoked. So you need to protect your faith and also so that you are not swayed away by someone who doesn't share the same faith as you. So I guess it's just measures of protection. But I think as time has gone on, you know, I think the most important thing in life is putting God at the forefront of everything and being prayerful and being watchful in terms of who you are dating or who you are getting to know. Yeah, and I think that's probably the main reason behind just protecting believers so that they're not falling into the wrong hands. Into the wrong hands, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I agree. I think it's also what online dating may be associated with as well. Because a lot of people, for example, maybe Tinder and some other online platforms have been associated with people going on there not for the intention of a long-term relationship. And so... again, it's down to the whole safeguard element of it and protecting God in your heart.

SPEAKER_03:

Did you watch Tinder Swindler? Did you watch that? No. Oh my God. There's a program called Tinder. Well, it's on Netflix. I don't know if it's still there, but it was on Netflix and this man that was on Tinder about swindling so many women. So I think maybe, like you said, it's, Part of safeguarding, the church is wanting to safeguard. But how do you think the church could be a bit more open? Because there are also Christian dating sites as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, there is.

SPEAKER_03:

But even then, some Christians still won't go on the Christian dating sites. Why?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm not too sure why. I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that they might not find it appealing. in terms of what they're looking for because first of all the first impression of someone that you see is how they look and again it's like how you kind of presenting yourself out there first of all you have to make sure that when you're presenting yourself you're putting your best foot forward but obviously not with the intent of deception with a true intent of actually finding someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with and I feel that Yeah, people, I feel the church should be preparing people for the fact that if you can't find someone within your local church or community, that you should, if you do go online, these are the safety measures that you will need to put in place. And also, I guess, inviting people That person to your church, maybe the head of your church speaking to that person so that the church are assessing that person as well as

SPEAKER_03:

you.

SPEAKER_00:

So that out of love they're telling you, okay, this is the right person after getting to know them for a period of time. Or maybe no, do not go along this line because... of these flags that have been brought up. So I think they should be open to it, but I guess they prefer that you are within the community, serving in the community. Yeah, I guess

SPEAKER_03:

it's more of what you know, as in the kind of people you already know, maybe they feel like it's safer that way. Yes. So you mentioned red flags. What kind of red flags should people be looking out for, MD?

SPEAKER_02:

I would say... Are they attending church? Do they have a local church that they're attending on a regular basis? Do they have a relationship with God? Because although people can attend church, do they actually have a relationship with God? Are they growing in Christ? Are they interested in learning more about God? Are they... I think for us, we did a lot of devotions together, even whilst we were dating. And we also did... well, I'm jumping ahead now, premarital counselling, but in terms of what, in terms of red flags, I would also say sussing out what their intentions are from the beginning. When people say, oh, I just want to get into something and just see how it goes, they're not stating their intentions from the beginning. I would see that as a red flag because you're already stating to me that you're not looking for something serious. Yeah. And also in terms of where do you want to meet? Are you trying to actually go on a date to get to know me? Or are you trying to just say, oh, meet me in my house or meet me late at night? So just being aware of certain things like that. And also, how does the person relate with their family? Because I suppose family can... is a big thing and it can be a big thing, is do they have a family relationship? What are their relationships like with their parents, with their siblings? What do they hold valuable to them? What do they see as valuable to them? What are their values? I would say those types of things will lead you to know what the red flags are.

SPEAKER_03:

What about you, Jacob? Any other red flags you think we could... that people could think about? I

SPEAKER_00:

mean... I would say, what is their prayer life like?

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I think it's important to ask somebody, you know, how are you doing spiritually? I think that was one of the questions I asked Ayamido, how are you doing spiritually? Because then you are able to kind of suss out if they are, you know, having a walk with God, if things are going fine, or how can you also help them? For me, as you know, As a husband, the Lord has called me to lead spiritually. So my responsibility is to find out how is my wife doing spiritually. And if I'm not doing okay spiritually is also to let my wife know that, look, I'm not doing okay spiritually. I need some prayers. I need some help. So it's not just only kind of just asking those questions to just ask those questions, but it's to see how you can also come alongside as a husband to help in that spiritual life. Or is this person, would this person as well, if I was going through things spiritually, are they spiritually mature to be able to handle certain things? So I would say, you know, as much as people go to church, where is their spiritual maturity at? And you need to be able to determine that from very early so that you know the type of person you're going into a relationship with.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. So I think that's more like the being unequally yoked and equally yoked thing, really. So if you're not on the same spiritual level... then you should be, it's something that you should be thinking about. Are we, are we on the same level? And so if you asked me, for instance, how are you doing spiritually? And I said, fine, I'm doing fine. What would be your, what other questions would you ask? Because why I'm asking is, is because there'll be listeners out there who take on what you've said and they might meet up with somebody who's not like Ayomide who just say, Oh, I'm doing fine. I'm fine. It's a first date, isn't it? Oh, I'm fine. How would you go further?

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

you know to actually probe deeper to get the truth of the matter because it can pull a wool over your face

SPEAKER_00:

I guess for me one avenue is first of all kind of going to church together because you can kind of physically see how they worship God you know how they relate with God how does the word minister to them at first because sometimes when you're not there with them you don't know what's actually happening so and Even they may put up a front, you never know. But I will say, you know, with time as you pray, as you watch, you're able to kind of understand, you know, the level that they are spiritually. Questions that I will ask about, we'll just talk about the Bible. We'll just bring up a conversation about the Bible and Scripture and then ask them, oh, what do you think about this? What's your view on this? And then you'll be able to see... what their understanding is like, you know, about that scripture, whether they understand it, whether they don't understand it or, you know, whether you're able to kind of, you know, see whether they, they know what they're talking about or truly they're walking with God. Um, I guess the various topics as well, like spiritual topics. What do you think about, um, sin? What do you think about, um, you know, um, repentance what do you think about forgiveness just various topics in the bible and you get to understand their views and they're understanding what the word of god is and then you'll be able to know if this person is reading their word or not or if they may say you know we don't know everything that's in the bible but at least majority of the time if they know the fundamentals and you know they're able to to show that to you okay i can see you know you you have a walk with god to some extent and just over a period of time of getting to know the person that you would really know where they are spiritually

SPEAKER_03:

but even then as christians we all have like you said earlier there's so many different denominations and we all have different interpretations of even the same we could both read the same scripture and have different interpretations of it so how would you deal with that imd how do you think you would deal with that if you had different assuming when you met and you had a scripture he brought up a scripture And you had different interpretations of that. What would you have done?

SPEAKER_02:

For me, I...

SPEAKER_03:

Would that be a no-no?

SPEAKER_02:

I suppose it's discussing. Discussing, okay, what is your view on it? What is my view on it? And we may both be wrong. So it would just take us both researching, maybe looking at a commentary. What does this verse actually mean? Are we... going off our own interpretations here or you know it's really about getting to the truth because what you and I think may not be right so and we've been there where we've had yeah now we're getting to the gist of it tell me

SPEAKER_03:

about it give me an example

SPEAKER_02:

I can't think of a specific

SPEAKER_00:

same I can't think of a specific example but going off

SPEAKER_02:

the Maybe the music one, because that was a point. We went back to the scripture and we were like, what does the scripture actually say? Let's look at it together. And then we also looked at a commentary around it. And then we were able to both go away and think, hmm, it challenged us both. In

SPEAKER_03:

different ways,

SPEAKER_02:

obviously. Exactly. And then we're able to kind of move forward.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So I guess it's just mulling over it together and then separately as well and coming together at the end of the day to say, okay. we agree to disagree. I mean, that happens in my house all the time. We always agree to disagree. One sticking point is the dishwasher. How to load the dishwasher. My husband feels it has to be loaded in a specific way. And I'm like, I don't care as long as the dishes are washed. That's one sticking point. And we always agree to disagree. Let's just... So I'm glad that you learned that early on in the dating period. So at what point did you then decide, okay, this is leading to marriage? What was it that made you both say, okay, now, yeah, we're dating. Okay, this is now marriage. I know you went in with the intention of marriage, Jacob, but I mean, you could go in with one intention and then get halfway down the line and think, hmm, maybe it's not. I know you also saw, you said you prayed and you saw all, you were beginning to see the manifestation of what you prayed for, but what gave you that certainty?

SPEAKER_00:

For me, I will say, yeah, I will say that, you know, just again, it comes down to, you know, when you have peace in your mind, you know, when you've prayed about something, you've had peace in your mind and you know that this is God, only God's doing that. this person has walked into my life.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, for me, yeah, it was just that peace that I had when I've prayed and I've prayed to God. And it wasn't that long after I prayed that, you know, I met someone and I just had that peace in me and it's like, okay. And then, you know, we've got to meet each other's families and everything as well. And just, I think another thing, Oh, something just popped into my mind. Another thing is that I think before, way before, um, I'd say way before I met Ayo, my sister, Naomi, she had a dream.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And in that dream, she's like, oh, she described a person that I'll be, you know, get married to. And I was like, oh, okay. Okay, I'm like, all right, fine. I didn't really know. I was like, okay. I didn't really pay too many minds of it as well. But my focus was just the prayer. And then that came into my– that also– came into my mind as well when i when i had that peace and that conviction it's like okay this is god because god can reveal things to you through people things to you just manifest you know just reveal things to you in your spirit as well and i think they just both aligned okay um and that's how i just knew i just had that peace

SPEAKER_03:

what was it about the dream that made you think that yes this is because people can also dream about anything and they can they can dream up anything they can so how what was it about the dream that made you see that okay this is actually aligning with

SPEAKER_00:

um for me i guess i can't really remember everything about the dream but i guess My sister said, oh, the person you're going to marry is fair. I mean, very descriptive. I'm thinking, how does she know? This can be anybody. Do you know what I mean? But the person you're going to marry is fair. And, you know, just someone who is lovely. And I just saw you were. I was like, okay. That was just what she told me. Okay. um but for me it was just again i was really specific about what i wanted very specific i've never been specific in my whole life i was so specific and i just let god you know to direct me and when i started i said when i started seeing the manifestation of things because you need god's guidance as a human being you can go by your feelings you can go by You know, you think your instincts and all of that. But truly and truly, I just allow God to lead me with his spirit and just allow him to show me. I told him, God, look, show me who my wife is. I prayed about it. Show me who my wife is. This is what I want. And he was able to really just show me. I was seeing the manifestation of it. So that's why the Bible says watch and pray. And pray, yeah. You know, be watchful, pray, and also listen. Another thing, listen to God. the person, what they're saying to you. Another advice that my pastor gave to me, which is things I just talked about. Yeah,

SPEAKER_03:

go on, go

SPEAKER_00:

on. Another advice my pastor gave to me is that when you are choosing a wife, don't look with your eyes.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Listen with your ears.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_00:

So, and that's what I did. Listen with your ears. Listen with your ears. So that also helped in determining, you know, My choice.

SPEAKER_03:

So you were specific and you listened with your ears. But your eyes saw something good

SPEAKER_00:

though. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01:

it saw

SPEAKER_03:

something amazing. Your eyes saw something and you're like, okay. God, you added extra. Extra. Thank you. So I am the same question. What was it that gave you that conviction? Yes, you liked, you saw the picture and you were like, hey, fine guy. And you're like, okay. And as a Christian too, I know. But what was it after dating and, you know, getting to know him better? What was it that... Gave you that conviction, deep conviction that, yes, this was the one.

SPEAKER_02:

For me, it was his character. And again, looking back to the Bible, because sometimes we may have our list all together,

SPEAKER_01:

but

SPEAKER_02:

do they align with what the Bible says a partner should be? So is this person patient? Are they kind? How do they treat the others around them? So I was able to kind of... Assess that in him. But also, I did have a piece as well. Like you were saying, I had a piece about him and being with him. And feeling accepted by his family. Him being accepted by my family. So yeah, for me it was a lot of prayer too. But yeah, just seeing that character change. mainly was my you know my main conviction there was is this person showing what what it means to be a christian and walking in the direction of what it will mean to be a husband okay um is this is this somebody i can be vulnerable with is this somebody that i can submit to is this somebody that we can communicate we can have conversation um so yeah yeah I would say

SPEAKER_03:

well let's be honest did you have a list did you have a I did have a list what was on the list oh gosh what was on the list well my list was tall, dark, handsome with sideburns

SPEAKER_02:

funnily I actually didn't have a physical list okay well I did yeah to be honest I didn't have a physical list I know everybody's like oh he has to be six foot tall but I was just more like as long as he's taller than me in heels I'm happy.

SPEAKER_03:

So what was on your list then?

SPEAKER_02:

Mainly, is he patient? Is he able to communicate his feelings and articulate it? What is his relationship like with his family? How does he treat others around him? Not just family and friends, but other people. Is he humble? Is he going to be able to be a partner, so maybe not somebody that expects a woman to just be a maid in the house and do everything. Are we going to be able to do things together in a partnership? Are we going to be able to grow together? Can he listen to me and can I listen to him as well? Is he willing to grow? Because sometimes we can be so stuck in our ways and not actually willing to hear from another person. So it's just... that you know are we able to have that conversation and move forward are we able to settle disagreements without it becoming a you know a whole ordeal yeah do we have to shout at each other to be able to to agree um and yeah he was always so peaceful about things so i just felt i don't have to be tough i don't have to be hard so

SPEAKER_03:

um Yeah. Yeah. I think you've hit on a great point there. Just not listing the physical things because the physical things will fade. They will fade in years to come. he might not be as tall and pot belly will you still love him with his pot belly if he does and you might just become you know rounded will he still love

SPEAKER_01:

you

SPEAKER_03:

so the things that are most important are those values and all those things that you've just listed those are the things that are really really important so I just will soon get into the air I just wanted to ask briefly, if there's anybody out there who's considering dating online, what would you advise? Let's start with Jacob.

SPEAKER_00:

I would advise put yourself out there. Don't be afraid. Make sure you put God first from a Christian point of view. Make sure you put God first on everything. Make sure you're prayerful. Don't, you know, don't compromise where you shouldn't compromise, especially with your faith. But also, you know, just put yourself out there and put safety measures in place. You know, yeah, when you're going on a date, make sure wherever you go to, it's, you know, it's an area that's busy. It's a lit up area. And date with intention, I would say. Date with

SPEAKER_03:

intention.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Put yourself out there. I wanted to pick on that. Put yourself out there. There are a lot of people who are expecting that God would drop the man or the woman into their lap. And they're praying. No, this is real. They're going, they're praying. Oh, Lord, send me my husband. Oh, Lord, send me my wife. And they're not leaving their house. They're not doing anything. They're not doing anything. How do you meet that person if you're not intentional? about it you know so what would you say to somebody who is thinking about

SPEAKER_02:

online dating I agree with everything Jacob said really have your non-negotiables one of them being your faith put that at the forefront don't be afraid don't be afraid to also say what it is that you want from the very beginning make your intentions very very clear and be open because sometimes we may be so fixed on what we think that we want and not actually be open to dating or actually finding a partner. Really think about what it is that you're looking for in someone and let that guide you, especially what is it that the Bible says that we should be looking for in somebody and use that as a guide as opposed to maybe the physical or the superficial. Excuse me. Oh, my

SPEAKER_03:

God. A coffee with me is coming up. Excuse me. Oh, dear. Please bear with me. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you need some water?

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, a little bit of water. Just bear with me, please. One second. Excuse me. Sorry about that. So you said something that I wanted to pick up on. You said, oh, God, it's gone out of my head. The cough has made everything go out of my head. Yeah, being intentional. I forgot what I was going to say, but being intentional is very important, like you both said. And, oh, okay. Okay. Let's do

SPEAKER_01:

a rewind. Rewind, yeah, that's okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Because I've just forgotten everything I was going to say. Okay, so yes, what I was going to say. So how did you go... The marriage counselling, how did that go? Before we finish. You went for marriage counselling,

SPEAKER_00:

how did that go? Yeah, we did, we did. How did

SPEAKER_03:

you find that? And you advised that couples should go for marriage counselling?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yes, I would advise that. Because sometimes you think you've spoken about everything that you should speak about in a relationship, but there may be areas that you've not touched. I think for us... we did touch a lot of areas, especially during COVID because COVID was, you know, a period, a hard period for everybody. We couldn't see each other for a long period of time. So we did a lot of, a lot of dating online. And I guess that helped us in our time for devotional prayer, really just been able to explore different topics. But yeah, I will say do go for premarital counselling online. make sure that you're able to, you know, just put yourself into it. Um, learn a lot. I think they really helped with just having different classes, giving us exercises to do, to go away and do individually.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, and we both at the end had, uh, a test.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh,

SPEAKER_00:

really? So yeah, we both had a test and we had to do it. Yeah. We had to do it separately and we, that's news to me. Yeah. We both, um, we both did the test separately um and then obviously yeah we both passed but both of us i think i think the pastor was it pastor pastor is it pastor dave yeah pastor dave um i think the course is called is it called uh what's it called is it alpha i

SPEAKER_03:

can't remember

SPEAKER_00:

okay um it's htb htb so yeah premarital course um and yeah we both we both actually got the exact same answers so they were they're really shocked this is the first that we've seen that both couples have this uh the first well have all the answers it's the same so i guess having that time to really just pray to read the words to have you know different conversations to really understand where we both are spiritually really really helped when going into premarital counselling but I would say do go because you will learn a lot

SPEAKER_03:

and the reason why I ask that is because a lot of couples believe that they've spoken about everything they've discussed everything they're happy to go and they kind of brush brush over Marriage counselling, they might go for one or two lessons. They don't even take it seriously. Sometimes they go and they're not even paying attention. But I think that it's very, very important. Marriage counselling really does help, especially if it's a good one. And you're saying you did a test. I've never heard of a test. In our time, we had one lesson and that was it. It wasn't even a lesson. We had one counselling and the priest was saying, because we got married in a Catholic church at that time, And he was just, he was just saying some random things that we didn't, but I'm glad you got a different, you had a different experience. And I'm sure when you got, you knew that the test, you both got the same scores, you were very happy. I'm sure that

SPEAKER_00:

was like, yeah, it was, we shot even confirmed more. Yeah. This is, this is the person for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Okay. So we've come to the end of the show, but before we go, I always like to end my show on a note of hope. So I'm going to ask you, Ayomide, what would you like to say out there just to encourage people who

SPEAKER_02:

are out there? I would say online dating is another avenue to meet someone. Don't be closed off. Don't be closed minded. Stay positive as well. Because I know it can be hard trying to find someone. We've all been there at some point, but don't lose hope.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And yeah, keep praying. Keep your faith in God.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Before I go on to Jacob, I remember the question I wanted to ask before the coughing feet came on. People always say that those who go online to look for someone is because they're desperate. What's your take on that?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't agree with that. I think it's another avenue to meet

SPEAKER_03:

someone.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't see it as a form of desperation.

SPEAKER_03:

Good.

SPEAKER_02:

I know, especially in this day and age, some people like to stay at home it depends on your personality as well some people like to stay at home you've not always got an event to go to you're not always outside of your house and you may not always meet someone maybe on your way to work or you know you may not be someone you like you might exactly so going online is it's another way of seeing what's out there yeah

SPEAKER_03:

Excellent. Perfect. What about you?

SPEAKER_00:

I agree with everything Aya says. Yeah, just be open-minded. Don't be fearful. Online is another way of actually meeting your potential partner because you never know. Your partner may not be in the same city as you. They could be somewhere else. Yeah. if you don't put yourself out there, you wouldn't know. So I would say, put yourself out there. Still do, if you meet someone, that's great, but also it opens another door for you.

SPEAKER_03:

Another door for you. It opens another door for you. Don't be closed off and put yourself out there. Don't stay in your bedroom praying that God is

SPEAKER_01:

going to throw the man or the woman through the roof.

SPEAKER_03:

It's not happening. It's not happening. Oh, thank you so, so much for coming on the show. I'm really... glad you were able to do this and this has been fun lots of fun thank you so much and I hope that listeners out there you've been blessed by this and you've picked up something don't be afraid don't be fearful they're not going to bite exactly if you don't like them okay swipe be like the shepherd who just walks on pretends he wasn't the one who put the meat on the tree walk past bye thank you so much and hopefully you'll be to come back again sometime soon to share something else with us on the show. Thank you so much and God bless. Thank you all for today and for listening in. Glad that you were able to join us on another episode of Navigating the Chapters of Challenge with Tali and hopefully we'll be back again with you sometime soon. Take care. Have a good day. God bless. Bye-bye.

UNKNOWN:

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